021: Pushing Past the Limits to Become Limitless with Dr. Linda Travelute

[INTRODUCTION]

Arwen Becker: So, as I was preparing for the show, I thought about a story that I have in my book, She Handled It, So Can You! And so, I want to actually start out by reading that story because I think it's very apropos for the discussion that we're going to be having today.

I'm a lifelong athlete. I began as a competitive swimmer at the age of seven, burning out by the end of sixth grade with six practices a week. I was done with swimming, but I was just getting started on athletics and I wanted to try all that I could while I could. I dabbled in gymnastics but soon grew taller than the instructor. I played basketball, softball, and track, but the sport that truly won my heart was volleyball. The teamwork, finesse, and aggressiveness drew me in.

The first time I played volleyball was in seventh grade and I was hooked. My mom worked weekends to pay for me to play all year round. Through school, I also played the other sports for fun, of course. Volleyball took me to be a Division 1 athlete at the University of Washington. Obviously, I knew how to do this “sports thing” until I decided to run my first half marathon. I'm built to be a sprinter. All the sports that I played required short bursts of energy.

In volleyball, we pass the ball back and forth over the net until it hit the ground, rest, reset, and do it again. In track, I'd run 100 or 200-meter hurdles or compete in the long jump. The events to require 20 seconds or less of explosive energy, rest, reset, and do it one or two more times. In swimming, I competed in the 50 or 100-meter freestyle or butterfly. The events took less than 60 seconds, then hours of rest until the next race.

When I accepted a friend's challenge to run a half marathon, I had no idea how much different that would be from all my other training. Many people were not surprised I committed to the challenge, “Ah, you're built for this stuff. This will be easy for you,” some said. How misinformed they were. Training for distance is wildly different from sprinting and short distance work. It required me to think entirely differently about how I ate when I ran, how often I ran and what my recovery was. My lungs and limbs were not ready for this type of work. I was hurting myself trying to prepare and I wasn't seeing any performance that told me I could make it. That was until I hired a coach who laid out a simple, easy-to-follow plan that was uniquely suited to distance running.

Even though I had great coaches and years gone by, their direction about how to prepare myself for volleyball, softball, swimming, or short-distance races in track didn't help me prepare to run a half marathon. It doesn't matter that my weightlifting coach at UW set the national record for squats in his age bracket. That type of coach was not going to equip me for my first half marathon, but my trainer who ran Iron Man triathlons would. What got you there will not automatically keep you there. Let me repeat, what got you there might not keep you there.

In that story in my book, She Handled It, So Can You!, I'm talking about growing your wealth in your 20s, 30s, and 40s and how that requires a certain set of skills. But when you approach retirement, this stage of the journey requires a totally new set of skills. And this is what I so often see with women throughout many areas of their life, not just in the area of finances. And what I've found is that we often believe the lie that what got me here will keep me here. And really, that may end up being our undoing.

And today's guest knows that all too well. Dr. Linda Travelute helps people get out of their own way so they can push past their limits and get what they want in life and business. She does this as an executive coach, consultant, and keynote speaker. She takes the experience as a school principal and as a pastor at an enormous church overseeing 15 pastors and a 500-member volunteer team to help her clients at Travelute Leader & People Development kick themselves and their teams into high gear.

She has a PhD in Clinical Psychology which helps her analyze people's behavior and get them unstuck. Dr. Linda is also a Certified Temperament Analyst with an advanced certification which helps her figure out how people tick so they can tick better and do it with less stress. Dr. Linda is the host of Live2Lead: Lake Nona, John Maxwell's premier leader and development event. She serves as executive director for the John Maxwell team, the largest leadership and personal development company in the world.

Now, for the fun stuff. Dr. Linda loves playing tennis, kayaking, hiking, spending time outdoors. She's been married happily to Ted for 29 years and they have grown children who still love hanging with mom and dad. Wow, quite a powerhouse you are, my dear. Welcome to the show, Dr. Linda.

[INTERVIEW]

Dr. Linda Travelute: You are cracking me up, Arwen. Oh my gosh, good to be here, thank you for having me.

Arwen Becker: Oh, my pleasure. So, I know as we start the show, you have a song that you would like to add to our overcomer playlist. Can you tell us about it?

Dr. Linda Travelute: Oh, yeah, well, I'm a big TobyMac fan. And so, if folks aren't familiar with TobyMac, he's a bit of a rapper, but he's got this song that's called Move (Keep Walkin’). And when I am kind of down or just need to kick my butt into gear, that is like my go-to, I'll listen to it as I work out or as I walk in, it just helps me to remember that it ain't over yet, just keep moving, just keep moving.

Arwen Becker: I highly recommend it, too, because my husband is a musician, has been for 40 years and he loves how skilled TobyMac is as a writer and a producer as well. And so, his songs are just ah, so many of them are really built in that upbeat way. And so, if you have not listened to any of his music, oh, my goodness, Speak Life is another really great one of his two, but I'm totally there with you, so good. So good.

So, I am really looking forward to hearing this story and what you learned because I personally can relate to so much of what it's like being immersed in a male-dominated industry, just like you have been. And I know for, gosh, I don't know, 27 years, I think, is what you said that you did what so many of us women do. You pulled out all the stops to prove that you were just as valuable as the men if not better, but then it backfired. So why don't you take us back to that time? What happened?

Dr. Linda Travelute: Yeah, so Arwen, I still see this so prevalent, even though the playing field has changed somewhat in the last, maybe five years. It's getting easier for women to climb that ladder of success when we think about a corporation or even a private company where they have to climb the ladder, but what happens a lot is they get there and then, to maintain that place, just keeping up with the men and even if they can surpass the men, it takes an enormous toll unless they learn how to do it in such a way that they don't, can I just say they don't end up losing the things that are most important.

In other words, I can say it and in jest, without killing themselves, without being overwhelmed, without losing sleep, without being so stressed that they just are not enjoying life because it can just suck the life out of you. And that's how it backfired on me. I made it to the top, I was known as a high performer and did it better than the men on my team, but I paid a horrendous price for it.

Arwen Becker: What were you doing at the time? What kind of work?

Dr. Linda Travelute: Yeah, great question. So, I was a pastor, believe it or not. So, you talked about male-dominated industries. I was a pastor for over 27 years at one of the largest churches in Central Florida. And so, even if a person is not in the faith arena, they probably have the understanding that being a pastor, you're on call 24/7. I mean, it does not stop when you go to bed and if you don't have boundaries, it will suck the life out of you, as most industries will. That's what I was doing.

I was a pastor but then, I was also during that time, during some seasons, I held the position as principal of a school. And I also piled more stuff on top of me as I wrote for Charisma House publishers, you might be familiar with Charisma House. I did freelance writing for them and wrote curriculum for them, wrote magazine articles for them. And I have a lot of plates spinning. So, yeah, I did a lot. I was highly successful but did too much and really, it took a toll.

Arwen Becker: Yeah, and that's only, you would call it, the vocation or business side. That doesn't let go of the fact that you were also a wife and a mom. How many kids?

Dr. Linda Travelute: I have two children. At that point, I had one. Well, actually, I'll give you a little snapshot of the insanity because this really began when I was pregnant with my firstborn, my son, Tyler, who's now 27, but you know what, Arwen? I guess I could probably go back and say, I have grown up as a workaholic, I mean, that was like, a badge of honor. In my household as I grew up, my dad was a workaholic and that was ingrained in me that that is the way you are valuable which is not true. So, we'll just set the record straight there, you do not have to be a workaholic to be valuable, and I had to learn that lesson.

But I began working at age 14 and I worked and saved every penny. And by the age of 15, I had so much money saved up that I bought a brand-new car all on my own, which was crazy because at 15, I lived in Florida, I couldn't even drive it yet. I didn't even have a driver's license. I bought a car and that we didn't have the license to be able to drive it on my own, I had a permit. I started my working years just working tirelessly because I was trying to prove that I was maybe just as good as the men, maybe just as good as people older than I was because even at 14 and 15, I became supervisor of people twice my age. And so, I just had this drive to work my way up and I did.

So, going back to this season of pregnancy with my son, I don't know if you've ever had this thought Arwen, I bet that there are folks that are listening to podcasts, they could probably identify themselves as Superwoman. I’m trying to do it all, wearing the cape and managing the workload as well as what's going on at home. And because I was outdoing everyone, all the men on our team at the church, we had 15 staff pastors, and I was continuously given more responsibilities. Because I did things at a high level, they just wanted to keep giving me more stuff.

And so, this one time, I was hosting a conference for young people, over 400 teenagers from all over the United States were going to be flying in, I was the event planner, the emcee, I was one of the speakers, I was everything in between. And so, I was pregnant during this time and I developed preeclampsia. And if anyone's familiar with that, it's a condition that is marked by high blood pressure. It was probably in my case because of stress. It's a very dangerous situation and can end in the death of the mother and the baby.

And I had to go on a new salt diet, I had to take my blood pressure three times a day. My feet, my legs swelled up twice their size, I couldn't wear shoes to work, I had to wear socks and bedroom slippers. That's really classy.

Arwen Becker: Were you told to go on bed rest? And my sister had that and she had to be on bed rest for two months, I mean, was that what they would have wanted you to do?

Dr. Linda Travelute: Yes. And because I had this idea that I could conquer all, I listened half. So, it was just kind of funny because I just went to my doctor yesterday and she was my doctor during that time. And so, we've developed a very candid relationship and she knows how hard I push. But she told me that I needed to go home after one o'clock every day and lie on my left side. So, I'm like, hmm, how am I going to do that because I've got so much to do?

So, I did, I went home, I laid on my left side with my laptop and with my papers and I would just work the rest of the day from the couch lying down and I’d take my blood pressure, like I was told, I'd elevate my feet. My husband would come home. It was really stupid. It was stupid. And I look back and think how stupid could I have been that I would put myself and my son into so much danger. And even to the extent that yesterday, my doctor told me, as I was having a checkup yesterday, that there are some things that are concerning her that stem from that season in my life. The preeclampsia.

So, it was stupid, it was. So, I go into labor and I've got this conference that is about to start the next day and I had back labor which is the most intense kind of labor you can have. And it's like 10 times the pain, it’s just incredible. And the pain shoots all the way up and down your back. So, it's not just the contractions, but it's this back pain. And I was in that kind of pain for 14 hours straight. So, as I’ve said, I'm trying to host a conference, it begins the next day, I’ve got 400 kids and youth pastors flying in from all over the United States and I'm also having a baby at the same time.

So, I am in the labor room. And I had one of my team members there with me and she had a box of files on her lap. Those were all the files that pertain to the conference, all the people that would be flying in, they were broken up into groups and rooming lists and all these things, these accounts. And then, she's on my left, my husband, Ted, he's on my right, and he's trying to massage my back. And no lie, Arwen, this was the insanity, in between contractions, I would go through each of the files with that team member.

And I would tell her what to do, how to tie it up. And the nurses kept coming in and they kept saying, “Hey, you need to probably wrap it up. Stop working because you're having a baby.” I'd say, “Well, yes, but I'm also having a conference tomorrow.” And it was just ludicrous. I just thought that I had to do it all. How insane is that?

Arwen Becker: I want you to get back to that, but I have to wonder, when you look back on that precise moment in time, what do you think the worst that would have happened if you kicked her out and you went to just focusing 100% on having a baby? What would have been the worst that would have happened?

Dr. Linda Travelute: I guess the conference probably would have went off okay because I had things set up right? But here’s the danger, we get caught up in these lies that we have to do it, that we have to be maybe the Savior. We have to be the one that makes it happen and does it all. And everybody knew me as this superwoman who could do it all. So, I was wrapped up in that. I had to prove it to them once again, that I could handle it. I can have a baby and pull off a conference at the same time, so what was craziness.

Arwen Becker: Crazy. It's so crazy. We, as women, I think do this all the time.

Dr. Linda Travelute: We do, yes. And that's really what drives me to do what I do today because I don't want other women to experience the same thing I did. So, I'm on a mission to help them become what I call limitless by expanding the capacity influence but doing it in such a way that it's healthy to them and fulfilling and where it doesn't take a toll on their health and their mental and emotional ability.

Arwen Becker: And family and kids and everybody else who feels the stress and the pressure because you're not thinking clearly.

Dr. Linda Travelute: Right, yeah, not present. Oh, totally. My son after he was born, I was still caught up in this, I thought I had learned my lesson because the doctor told me, “Look, you could have died during that pregnancy, your son could have died.” That was pretty serious. And I told my husband, I said, “Okay, I'll slow down. I promise you, I will slow down.” But you know what, Arwen? I got right back into that mode of being superwoman. And so, my son who was a toddler, he would spend the day with my mom while I was working, which we were super fortunate that she would watch him rather than go to daycare because I loved having her be a part of his life like that.

But what happened was he created a bond with her that was stronger than the bond I had with him because he spent more time with her. And so, I would come to her house to pick him up at the end of the day. And most kids, when they see mommy or daddy come to the door, they run with their arms open, Mommy, Daddy. They're excited to see you, but you know what? When I came to the door to pick Tyler up, he ran the other way toward grandma.

And tell me if your heart doesn't break when you see that your kid run to someone else, when you are thinking they're going to run into your arms. He wasn't happy to see me. He was like, oh, there's mom. You're going to be present with me. Are you going to go get on your phone, get on the computer? My relationship with my son suffered, my marriage suffered. It was not right to place my husband and my son after my work,

Arwen Becker: The thing that I was wondering was, so you have a PhD in Clinical Psychology, so did you earn that and then become a pastor? Or was that kind of happening at the same time?

Dr. Linda Travelute: It was happening at the same time, yeah. So, think about this, my kids were elementary and middle school when I was doing my PhD. So, that's an incredibly stressful period of time. So, I was working full time as a pastor, probably working about 60 hours at that time of my life, doing a PhD program and so, that meant I would come home from work and immediately hit the books. So, I would do that all evening, I’d pop in the kitchen for dinner, pop back out. My husband would help them with their homework, he would take care of them, give them their baths etc...

And so, again, I was caught up in not being present with them. And again, it was just you think you learn and you don't, it's like how many times we have to circle back around this and try to get the lesson one more time.

Arwen Becker: I think a lot of people would wonder, I mean, if you're getting this PhD in Clinical Psychology and yet, you personally are burnt out, depressed, suicidal, going through all of these emotions due to overworking and many other things. I guess, why couldn't you fix you? You know what I mean? If you might be able to recognize it and other people be able to give them direction, why were you struggling in that?

Dr. Linda Travelute: Oh, that is the million-dollar question. So, what I learned is that, if a person does not have awareness, they can't fix anything. And even though, I had been made aware, there was a part of me that still had to prove myself. And so, we've got this phrase that I use, you just don't know what you don't know unless you invite people in and allow them to show you what you don't know. And then, you receive it and accept it, nothing's going to change.

So, with my clients, that's the first step is I have to help them come to an awareness to see things that are limiting them and we can't do that on our own. It's kind of like this, we just saw each other on video before we started recording this and you know, I have short hair, you've seen me in person when I spoke one time. And so, with short hair, sometimes in the back of my head, I have a bald spot, but I can't see it. It's there sometimes, especially if my stylist cuts it a little too short and so, I've got this bald spot.

And so, I'll walk in the house and my husband or somebody will say, “Hey, you got a bald spot in the back of your head.” I’m like, “Oh snap, I got to go fix this.” The only way that I know that it’s there is if somebody points it out and that's so similar to how it is with us in all these areas of life. We just don't know unless somebody points it out. And then, if we are willing to receive what they're saying, humble enough to say, “Oh, you're right. I've got a problem there. I've got a bald spot and I need to fix it.”

Arwen Becker: It's having somebody hold the mirror up so you can finally see it. And it is totally true. I mean, of course, I'm thinking, as you're talking about that, some of the things that I've just learned even in the last month and I was just talking to my counselor about it and I was just like, I'm kind of mad that somebody didn't tell me sooner, but I think it's the other half of what you said. Somebody may have told me, I just might not have been ready to hear it.

Dr. Linda Travelute: Yes, that's key. And then, I think that is one of the reasons people have to keep hitting their head against the wall because they're just not ready to hear it.

Arwen Becker: So, what was the turning point for you? When did things really start dramatically changing for you personally?

Dr. Linda Travelute: Well, let's see. It was probably right after I received my PhD and I was very busy at church. And I oversaw all of the care for the church, all of the family care, all of the pastoral care, so that meant all the people that had a crisis, every time there's a death, every time there was someone with an issue needing counseling or someone's diagnosed with a terminal illness, where there's a suicide, that kind of thing, that was my area. And so, I could not keep up, we had a 4000-member church and I realized, you know what? I've got to build a team around me because I can't do it all by myself.

So, when we think about the idea of expanding our capacity so that we can do more, it's not that we, ourselves, are doing more, but we bring a team around us to expand that capacity. So, I began training, I took about 500 volunteers and I began to train them as an army. I gave them 50 hours of classroom training and leadership training and taught them how to handle people that are going through crisis, taught them how to handle someone who has just experienced the death of a child or a loved one, taught them how to do suicide intervention, all those things, so that I didn't have to be in the middle of it, I would assess the situation and then hand it off and assign it. So, really, I learned how to delegate and become a better leader. And that's when it clicked, like oh, my gosh, this is one of the keys here to doing more by doing less.

Arwen Becker: The thought that comes to mind for me is just because I can doesn't mean I ought to. That's one that has been spoken over me many times throughout my life because I find myself very similar, as you are, of just trying to prove to everybody, especially the boys, especially being an athlete, trying to prove them that I was just as strong, just as capable, if not better. And it's so silly, but I think of carrying luggage out to a car was kind of the first time I really recognized that thing of just because I can doesn't mean I ought to or I don't have to prove to people that I can take a full piece of luggage that weighs 50 pounds downstairs when I have perfectly capable 15-year-old who could do it for me and being willing to ask for help because that is how you expand your capacity. I mean, big deal.

So, when you look back on this experience and gosh, I'm sure you have a lot of wisdom if you could talk to your 20-something self, but as you're looking back on this time and women who are listening to this who are finding themselves very much in that position of overworked and just doing too much and finding themselves breaking down, depressed or just exhausted, unhappy, making everybody around them miserable, what were some of the main things that you took away during that time period?

Dr. Linda Travelute: So, again, the awareness piece was huge. And that's probably the first step, like, when I work with my clients in the limitless coaching program, that is the first step, I take them through is the awareness piece. They have to become aware as I did. I had to figure out what was limiting me. And for me, it was that I was trying to be superwoman and I didn't have to write.

So, I had to come up with ways to get what I wanted and perform at a high level without killing myself, so that's one thing. I think another piece is, and this sounds maybe opposite of what I've just shared, but really our capacity, we have more capacity than we think we do, so if we think of our capacity as being set, we're doing ourselves a disservice because we can really do more than we think we do, it's just that we have to figure out a way to not just do it smarter but to do it right.

And there are a lot of steps to that, but I could just highlight a couple. Clarity is so important, we have to get clear on why we're doing things and we have to get clear about how we want to show up and we have to continuously remind ourselves of why we're doing what we're doing. And that gives us energy to pursue those things at a high level and to do it, to be able to push past the limits. So, awareness, knowing our capacity isn't set, now that doesn't mean we're going to kill ourselves in the sense of doing too much, but if we have clarity and accountability, then those are the steps to beginning to increase capacity or what I like to call it is becoming limitless. To limit ourselves less to become limitless.

Arwen Becker: So good. So, final three questions, the rapid fire three questions, what is the best piece of financial wisdom that you've been given?

Dr. Linda Travelute: Well, okay, so I don't know if you're going to agree with me on this, but I'm just going to share my thought on this. I was told, do not live below your means because that keeps you in scarcity; so, instead of living below your means, expand your means.

Arwen Becker: I got it. That totally makes sense. Who told you that? Do you even know who told you that?

Dr. Linda Travelute: Well, I think it came from Harvey Mackay. And then, somebody shared that with me from him. I believe that's where it came from, but I've heard it from various people over the years and I so agree with it, actually, Robert Kiyosaki, I don’t know if I’m pronouncing his last name correctly.

Arwen Becker: Yeah, you are.

Dr. Linda Travelute: So, his book that he actually co-wrote with Trump, Why We Want You to Be Rich, I believe he talks about that in there as well. And whether you're a Trump supporter or not, they have an abundance mindset rather than a scarcity mindset and that's so similar to the idea of living a limitless life. We have to have an abundance mindset, not a scarcity mindset. So, instead of living below your means, no, expand your means and then, the sky's the limit, you can have whatever you want, you can make it happen.

Arwen Becker: Right, totally true. What's the recommended book and why?

Dr. Linda Travelute: Oh, I love this book called Great at Work and it's by Morten T. Hansen. And what I love about that is he's got some great tips about how top performers do less, they work better. And one of the key ideas that he has in there, which I share with my clients a lot is this thought of do less but obsess. That's one of my favorite takeaways from that book. Do less but obsess over what you're doing.

Arwen Becker: So, kind of like the 80/20 rule, use 80% of your effort on 20% of whatever. You know what I'm talking about? A favorite quote of yours?

Dr. Linda Travelute: I'm a person of faith, but this works for anybody, whether you have faith in God or not, this is just a proven thing. If you've read the book Think and Grow Rich or any other self-development book, the idea that anything's possible, if you believe. Anything's possible. Anything is possible, if you believe. So, there is a way to get what you want. The caveat to that is, you just have to decide what you're going to trade off to get it.

Arwen Becker: Very true. Love it. So, how can our listeners get a hold of you? I know you have some things that we'll have in the show notes. So, why don't you tell us a little bit more about that?

Dr. Linda Travelute: Oh, yeah, so if they would like to get what we call the limit indicator which can help them find out what's limiting them so that they can become limitless, they can go to limitlessladies.pro and they can get that. It's a three-step process that will help them discover where their limits are because remember, we talked about awareness and that is the first key. We've got to figure out, we've got to become aware of what's limiting us, so that we can push past those limits. So, that's available, it is totally free, limitlessladies.pro.

And then, as we talked about being in relationships with people that don't judge us and rather than compete, we want to cheer each other on, I have just recently created a new Facebook group that your podcast listeners are most welcome to be a part of. So, they can get in a group, a community that will encourage them and they can find it on Facebook or there'll be the link there in the notes, but it's called LimitLess w/ Dr. Linda. So, that would be a great source of encouragement. I'm going to be doing some live coaching segments in there, Facebook Lives, as well as some great encouragement and what I call wisdom drops. And I just really want to be a community where people are cheering each other on and encouraging one another.

Arwen Becker: The world needs more of that, that's for darn sure.

Dr. Linda Travelute: Absolutely.

Arwen Becker: And for all of you out there listening, please take Dr. Linda up on all of these offers because right now, one of the things that a lot of us have a little more than we used to is time. And here in Washington State, we just went through another round of shutdowns. And I'm spending a lot more time at home, I have a lot more time to read and so, utilize the time that you've been given, this blessing that a lot of us have been given of a little bit of extra time and learn more about yourself, learn where your blind spots are, learn where you can plug into her community and just rub shoulder to shoulder with other people who are in the same battle of trying to become a better version of themselves. So, I know you're going to be blessed huge because of it. So, certainly, take her up on that.

Well, my dear, thank you so much for your time. I know you have a big event that you're just getting ready to go to. I'm somewhat jealous because it's got people there in Florida and we're not doing that right now in Washington State, but eventually, we'll get back to doing that. But just thank you for blessing so many people and being such a light and the world around you, it's just tremendous. Thank you for being here.

Dr. Linda Travelute: Thank you, Arwen. Keep up the great work as you speak about She Handled It. I just really believe in your message and so excited to see what you're doing. Thank you for having me.

Arwen Becker: Thank you very much.

[END]