008: Time to Save Yourself with Amber Vilhauer

008: Time to Save Yourself with Amber Vilhauer

After five girls beat her up and dozens of others just stood in observation, 16-year-old Amber Vilhauer knew something in her life had to change and ultimately, she was the one responsible for saving herself. There comes a day when almost everyone realizes that no one’s going to swoop in and save them. When facing their toughest moments, people have to save themselves. Everyone can learn and grow from challenge and difficulty, but that growth simply has to come from within and Amber understands this all too well.

Amber knows what it feels like to be victimized and to play a role in one’s victimization. Today, Amber joins the podcast to share the story of her difficult journey up from rock bottom at 16, finding the tools to save herself, and the hard things she learned from an extraordinarily traumatic experience in her life.

Amber is an online digital marketing expert who supports authors, speakers, and coaches as they create powerful, integrated online presences. At her agency, NGNG Enterprises (short for No Guts No Glory), she’s supported over 1,000 entrepreneurs and helped launch books by authors including Mark Victor Hansen, Brendon Burchard, Lisa Nichols, and Les Brown.

Overcomer Playlist Recommendation 

Pearls of Wisdom

  • Why anyone can create anything – and why the work always has to start from within.
  • What Amber does to put light and validation into every single conversation she has.
  • Why everything we do each day is an opportunity to be the light and help people feel seen and valued.

Tweetables

In order to see other people, you have to take your eyes off yourself no matter what is going on in your life.” - @LIFEwithArwen Click To Tweet “Every human interaction, we can make that choice to leave somebody better than we found them.” - @LIFEwithArwen Click To Tweet “As long as we have awareness about something, we break the pattern and we move on. And it is such a fast transformation.” - @AmberVilhauer Click To Tweet “Nobody is going to do the work for you. Save yourself. You really can create any reality that you want to but it starts with you.” - @AmberVilhauer Click To Tweet

Resources

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Connect with Arwen Becker

Transcript

[INTRODUCTION]

Arwen Becker: Hey, everyone. It's Arwen here. Before we start the show, I just want you to be aware that we did have some microphone issues so please bear with us. It is so worth it and so good. We didn't want to re-record the show but just know it's not the typical quality that we like to provide. All right. Enjoy.

 

Amber Vilhauer: “Is this my life? Is this the way it's going to be?” It didn't feel like I had much of the journey left to go if I were to follow the same path and it looked dark and sad and depressing. And there was like this little piece inside of me that just wanted anything else, anything better than this.

 

Arwen Becker: Welcome to She Handled It, a podcast dedicated to sharing empowering stories of women who have faced major adversity and how they overcame it. I'm your host, Arwen Becker. I'm a wife, mom, national speaker, author, entrepreneur, and athlete but on my journey to these triumphs, I battled many life-altering challenges. Thankfully, I found freedom when I realized I was not alone. I invite you to join me each week as I explore the inspirational stories of determined women who overcame life's toughest moments, ultimately, how she handled it and so can you.

 

So, there I was, I was in sixth grade at Robert Frost Elementary School and we were sent out for lunchtime recess, and I, a very athletic, tomboyish girl typically went outside to play with all the boys. But this day I found myself on the playground playing foursquare with a handful of girls. And one of my good guy friends that I used to hang out with a lot thought it would be really funny to rush up on me and try to steal the ball that we were using for foursquare. So, within an instant, I found myself locked arm in arm with this guy around this basketball size foursquare ball that he was trying to rip out of my arms. And my frustration began to mount and I reacted aggressively defending the territory, aka the ball that I had, really with any means necessary. And so, at that moment, I took an assertive knee right into his crotch. And he fell down to the ground. He was writhing in agony and I found myself in a world of trouble. And so, the playground recess attendant, she sent me to the office. I guess I figured because I really didn't get in trouble that much, I would just probably get reprimanded and sent back to class.

 

But to my surprise and total embarrassment, I found out that my repayment was going to be much more humiliating. And earlier that day, what had occurred in our classroom is our teacher had begun this brand new lesson that we were working on learning about the marketplace. And so, we had all been assigned to multiple different jobs and we were earning money that we could spend in the marketplace at this kind of big year-end party. And then depending on the job that you had and certainly the work that you put in behind it, then that would generate money and some people can have more money to be able to spend on the final day of the marketplace. So, as they sent me back to class from the principal, the teacher, Mrs. Kitch, who wore bright red lipstick, I just absolutely loved her. She always kissed kids in class with her bright red lipstick. She had already started lining up this new section of the unit and she proceeded to have myself and Eric choose who would represent us as a lawyer in court because I was being sued for kneeing him in the crotch. I was humiliated. And because he was the one victimized, he got the opportunity to pick who it was that was going to represent him first.

 

And he chose this brilliant sixth-grader, Luke Moland, who was doing like 10th-grade math and other like college-level classes to represent him. And I was absolutely outmatched that day. Needless to say, I totally lost the case, lost all of my money from that choice that I had made. And even though Eric was the one that was initially responsible for trying to take away our ball, the decisions that I made that day, obviously, I made the wrong decision. I could have done something different. And I learned from that experience, never to utilize my knee as a weapon against other boys and hopefully, I never will have to but ultimately, I realized I was responsible for my behavior and my classmates, aka the jury, also agreed.

 

And today's guest is going to talk about that level of personal responsibility, what it's like to still be victimized but realize the role in which you play in it, and how we can learn and grow through some of those very difficult moments in our lives. Amber Vilhauer is an online digital marketing expert and she supports authors, speakers, and coaches to establish this really powerful integrated online presence that gets results and empowers them to make a difference in their industry. Since starting her agency in 2007, NGNG Enterprises which stands for No Guts No Glory, she has spent her career impacting her community and building strong strategic alliances with industry leaders and game-changers all across the web. Amber has supported more than 1,000 entrepreneurs on six continents to help them get results. She has been the Launch Manager behind dozens of number one best-selling books, including those from Mark Victor Hansen, Brendon Burchard, Lisa Nichols, and Les Brown.

 

[INTERVIEW]

 

Arwen Becker: Amber, you are such a joy to me. I am so grateful that my husband decided to reach out to you.

 

Amber Vilhauer: Oh my gosh.

 

Arwen Becker: I don't even know. It's been like a year-and-a-half or maybe a couple of years now. And he just said, “I have heard about you and I just think that you're somebody that my wife needs to know.”

 

Amber Vilhauer: I'll never forget the way that he spoke about you too. He just loves you and the way that he lifted you up and the look on his face when he spoke about you. I'll never forget that as long as I live and I thought, “Who is this Arwen person?” And now to know you and all of your glory, oh my gosh, you are so remarkable and I don't mind interrupting you to say it.

 

Arwen Becker: Well, that's a nice compliment for him too. I know he’ll appreciate that as well because he is my biggest fan and I'm so grateful for him. But it is you today, my friend. You know, you have such a heart for women too which is I think really being a woman business owner and for me launching my training company life, there was such a great synergy that came between you and I. And, of course, as I began to know you more and more of your background and what you've done, you were just one of the very, very first people that I wanted to interview because I know that this journey has not been an easy one. Nothing great comes easily. So, I am thrilled, thrilled, thrilled to have you, my friend.

 

Amber Vilhauer: Thank you so much. Appreciate that.

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah. So, well, you and I were talking a little bit. Why don't you take us back to you're 16 years old and from what you said you had hit rock bottom. What was that all about?

 

Amber Vilhauer: Thank you. I like talking about this story because sometimes we look at people online especially and we see one side. People look at me right now on YouTube and they see, “Wow, she's so energetic and bubbly and she's always smiling and she looks like so happy all the time and she loves what she does,” and then the next thought is, "Well, I'm not like that so I can't be that because I'm not happy and I'm not smiling all the time.” And I really love having the opportunity to share with people that it was a conscious choice to grow into this person that you get to experience today. And it did not happen overnight. It was decision by decision moment by moment for years, painful, painful years of suffering to get to a place that I can deliver this message today. So, thank you for letting me be here.

 

And I go back to 16 years old because although I had felt lost and deep sadness and frustration for pretty much most of my life that I can remember up to the point of being 16, it was that night that I really hit this, whew, I feel the emotion of it just remembering it, this rock bottom moment where I was looking up at the stars in the back of somebody's pickup truck, didn't know whose truck it was, didn't care. I was laying down. It was dark outside, outside of this park. And just hours earlier, I had been badly beaten by a group of five very angry girls. And what I could hear in the distance laying in this truck was I could hear a bunch of kids in the park and they were pushing each other and punching each other and there was all this chaos ensuing just a ways away and I remember looking up at the stars, and it was just a very dark night, tons of stars in the sky. And I looked up and these tears just started just like gently rolling down my face. And I remember asking the universe, whatever was out there, I didn't have fully formed beliefs about God or religion at that point and I was just so open and vulnerable like there was no defense mechanism left.

 

And I'm looking up at the stars and I just said, “Is this my life? Is this the way it's going to be?” And in that moment, it scared me so much because I could literally feel all of a sudden, I could experience looking ahead into this path of my life and I couldn't see it. It wasn't a far journey. It didn't feel like I had much of the journey left to go if I were to follow the same path and it looked dark and sad and depressing. And there was like this little piece inside of me that just wanted anything else, anything better than this. And when I asked myself that question of is this the way it's going to be, I saw the dark path and then I saw another path as I just kind of like let my mind wander looking at the stars. And this other path just felt bright and this light, and it just felt like it lasted forever and it was so compelling. And I just thought, "What is that?” And I had no idea. I'm here telling you this feeling like I'm crazy but this was a real experience of just knowing that there was another path. There was another option. And I knew in that moment that I had to explore what that could be. And that was really the beginning of now what you see today. It was the series of decisions and moments and experiences and overcoming everything difficult and my path leaning in, any time there was fear or challenge or adversity and I just kept leaning in and leaning in and leaning in until over time I look around, Arwen, and I look at this life I've created that is filled with love and abundance and safety and security and opportunity and like magic everywhere. Anything that I want to create, I can now. And coming from that moment, it blows my mind what we're capable of.

 

Arwen Becker: I mean, for you when you look back on it, what was the difference between who you were prior to that and after that? I mean, was it just such a severe moment of being at the bottom that you realize looking back, it can never get worse than that and going up was the only option? But what was it for you that allowed you to continually, as you said, continually make these choices along the way to compound and believe in something better, that it has created the life you are now leading? Where did that come from?

 

Amber Vilhauer: There are so many parts to it that I observed just in you asking that question. I mean, one thing is I can't deny that the trauma of that night woke me up in ways that stimulated my thinking in ways or my emotion in ways that I hadn't experienced otherwise. I was at this party and there were maybe 75, 80 kids there, and what I didn't realize when I walked into that house was that that party was set up for me. And that night when I did get badly beaten by those five girls, it wasn't even just the trauma of the kicks or the hair-pulling or the screaming or anything like that. It was looking around in this backyard and nobody was stopping it. Nobody was stopping it. And I just thought, "Now that speaks volumes,” like what is going on in the world that none of these kids have the confidence or the courage to stop an act like this from happening? It was a crisis of consciousness looking at this and just observing it.

 

So, then let alone the human experience of the trauma and the screaming and all the things and not even understanding how I got to this moment, to begin with, and then bringing that forward into this moment where I'm in the back of a pickup truck. But in that moment of looking at the stars, I knew somehow in that moment that nobody was going to save me. Nobody was going to intervene. Even though I look at it from an outside perspective, my mom had tried for years to get me to open up. She would ask me, “Amber, what is wrong?” And I just shut her out. I didn't want to talk about it. Shut everybody out. Didn't want to talk about it. I was suffering inside. So, I kept silent and I cried all the time behind closed doors and I listened to loud music and I was just trying in my own way but I didn't feel like I had the tools. I didn't have the knowledge and I just suffered all the time.

 

But at this moment, I knew nobody else is going to save me. And so, I had to save me. If I was going to go down that other path, I had to save me, which means that, okay, I had to look inward like what does that even mean? Who do I want to be? Who would I be proud to be? And then I had to start making decisions based on who I would be proud to be, which is making decisions with a very different perspective than you make decisions based on how you're feeling in this moment. So, what decisions would my future self make? That's hard, especially at 16. You're still very much underdeveloped in your thinking and in your wisdom at that point but I knew that that was the answer. And the last thing I'll say, Arwen, is that not only was I making decisions based on who I'd be proud to be but anytime I was faced with a new moment, a new decision, I looked back to the 16-year-old moment to build confidence.

 

Like, in this moment, let's say I'll give you one quick example. Dr. Stein, my English teacher and junior year of high school gave me a D on a term paper and I couldn't afford to get a D because then it was just bad. I was going to fail for the year or something crazy was happening. I don't exactly remember. I made the decision in that moment to go in for office hours, which is something that I never did up to this point. I didn't want to admit I needed help. I didn't try to actively go get help from other people but I was faced with this decision. And in that moment, I thought two things like what would my future self do? Who do I want to be? The person that would be proud in this moment? Well, I go in for office hours. Second thing is I'd look back and think, is this the hardest thing that I've ever had to do? No. Okay, well then go in for fricking office hours. So, I did. I went in for office hours and I ended up rewriting my paper. I got the opportunity to do that. I got a B, which raised my grade.

 

And out of that moment, I learned in so many different lessons in that moment about asking for help, about leaning into things that are hard, about having a do-over, about so many things. And that little decision then enabled me to make the next decision and then the next one, and then it got more exciting and then I kept looking back and looking forward and making decisions in the moment and it just happened from there.

 

Arwen Becker: What I love is there are some pieces that really stand out to me that for me being a financial advisor and really focusing very, very heavily on this predominantly on women, there are some of the things that you’ve said that are so I hate to use the word typical but common mistakes that I see that women make. And one of them, especially financially, is believing whether it's conscious or subconsciously that there is going to be some sort of knight in shining armor that somebody else is responsible. And I can be the first one to put both hands and say I not only did it in my first marriage, which failed by the time I was 24 with a financial advisor, that's what he still does. And then I married a financial advisor in great recession so financially took us to our knees and yet I kept looking for somebody else to take responsibility that only I could make for my understanding, for my education, for the areas of responsibility that I could add to what was going on in our household.

 

Even though my husband and I work in the same company, have the same vision, we're going in the same direction, but we still had very different roles at the time. But yet, I would always wait for somebody else for him to handle that. I expect my dad to handle that when I was a kid. And yet there is nobody that is going to be able to save you. It's about taking that personal responsibility and doing what it is that we're supposed to do to provide ourselves with some of that security that we can through education and all those things. And then the other piece that you had said about this future self of yours, one of the things that we do as a company and I think it's so good as individuals too, kind of falls into that same category is this three-year vivid vision is looking at what do I want my life to look like in three years? Because we often get so focused on what's going to happen in the next 30 days or 60 days or 90 days or even just a year but when you give yourself enough of a runway, you can create this life, like you said, where you just look back and you're like, “Oh my gosh, I can't believe this is what's been created.”

 

And so, being able to talk and see your future self and imagine and put things down on paper of, well, what do I want to be doing for fun? You know, physically, what do I expect to look like and feel like in three years and looking at our life that way. And then the third thing that I just specially for women, oh my goodness, we're the best at helping other people and we're often not very good at asking for help. And getting to that point where we recognize I can't go through this by myself. I need to be humble and go to somebody that I trust. They have the fruit that I want in their life and they'd be willing to go, “I can't do this. I need help. And I need to do that.” Those were the three things that just so resonated because I hear that so often when I sit down and I talk to women that they make these constant decisions that, "Somebody else is going to help me get through this.” Husband dies unexpectedly, husband divorces them after 25, 30 years, and now all of a sudden, they're going, "What the hell am I supposed to do?” And that's why we have to go right now and need to say, "What is it I need to be doing to build a life that I am going to, like you said, be proud of?” And I just think that that is so brilliant because it is. It’s just there's so much truth to that. You know what I’m saying?

 

Amber Vilhauer: Yeah. And honestly, out of these moments and thinking about who would I be proud to be, I point people back to core values like what really matters to you, what do you want more of in your life? And one of the biggest things that I craved was a meaningful connection. And now, I have that absolutely everywhere. So, much of my suffering just came from not feeling seen, not feeling valued, not being chosen as number one. And the crazy thing, Arwen, is like I came from an amazing family, I went to the best schools. The challenge that I was met with was that my sister, my older sister, she was a remarkable light in the world. Still is. She was so smart and had all the friends and she was so great, and she overpowered every room and she was Miss Teen Arizona to give you an idea. She's a beauty pageant winner. And I was like the little one that was just like trying to play along and to participate. And I just felt small, nothing that anybody else did to make me feel that way but I felt small.

 

And then that just sort of developed from there to where when I went into a school environment, I was the quiet, awkward weirdo in the corner. I was not very social. And then I wondered why I didn't have any friends. And then that just kind of grew from there. And so, it's interesting to me to observe how quickly things can spin out of control. You know, these beliefs that we have can just grow and I think that what I really want people to do listening to this episode is I invite you to face yourself like really face yourself for maybe the first time in your life and be honest with yourself and be honest with the environment that you have absolutely created for yourself and tracking that back like why is that in my environment? That night when I got beaten up, it's like I created that environment, 100%. How could I have let that happen? Like, what was I thinking? What was I believing that led me to this point? And now knowing that I can make a different choice and I can do something differently about it.

 

Oftentimes, like as long as we have awareness about something, we break the pattern like that, we move on, and it is such a fast transformation. But people spend their lives in avoidance with the blinders on because we don't want to think that our marriage isn't working the way that we want to believe that it's working or that our finances will just magically turn around next year or that this will just magically get better. Like, no. Face yourself. Be brutally fricking honest. Decide who you want to be, where you want to go, and just make that happen. Like you have to take ownership.

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah, absolutely. And that's the thing is ownership. I mean, you are facing two options at that point. You could cry victim, look at everything that happened to me, what these people did to me or you could say, “Okay. Again, what is it in my life that I have allowed whether it be people, situations, whether it be just the environment that I'm living in?” Yes, at 16, you have limited options than you wouldn't necessarily have maybe at 24 but the principle is still very much the same. If we allow people to treat us a certain way, if we put ourselves in and again, I can speak for my example of a codependent relationship, what it's like growing up in an alcoholic home and seeing how skilled my mom was at enabling behaviors that both my sister and I learned very, very well, that I can try and handle everything and put it all in order and make it look good and package it up and make sure that people don't know that things aren't going well.

 

And yet, I still had to get to that point where I realized, "Wait a second, my behavior, even though I'm trying to make things look better is still not a positive behavior.” I am creating problems down the road for myself, my kids, my family, friends, all this kind of stuff that all of a sudden blindsided when stuff starts falling apart publicly because everything was packaged up so well. You know what I'm saying? And so, I just think that there's a lot of power when we as women understand, yes, victimization happens and there are things that are absolutely beyond our control and nothing we could have done could have changed that. However, how we frame it and how we move forward from it is absolutely just like what you did 110% our responsibility because that's what builds the life. That's what builds the character down the road where you can turn back behind you and look at another woman who's facing that and go, "Take my hand. I got you. I know what it's like, I've been there, I've moved past it, and you're going to get past it too.” And I just think that's such a beautiful story for you and being able to show that you can even in the midst of such real tragedy. I've never been beaten up, beaten up by five people.

 

Amber Vilhauer: And it was awful.

 

Amber Vilhauer: You know, it's funny too because the reason why I was beaten up because I just keep intuiting like viewers are like, "What happened?” It all came because somebody had told me a secret that she was cheating on another friend’s relationship or whatever. And, "Take it to your grave, Amber. Take it to your grave,” and I was like, "Cool, whatever. That's your business,” but then it kept gnawing at me and I was like, "Wow, this poor girl like thinks she wants to marry this guy and doesn't even know that he's like ruthlessly cheating on her every turn.” So, out of wanting to do the right thing, I shared the secret and that was the reason that the party was set up and I got badly beaten that night. And it's part of the story too like it's an important part of what happened in my mind. It's like so if you do the right thing, a bad thing can happen. And so, even just in facing that and having to overcome, like, what is the right or wrong path, and what belief system do I want to carry forward?

 

I mean, so even like facing those moments is really important and you just have to keep leaning in. Like when COVID happened is another thing that I'm thinking of, when COVID happened, the world was in the state of shock and it's like people didn't know what to do so most people didn't do anything. And we're months, months, months later, people are still like stunned sheep-like, “I don't really know what to do.” There's a whole segment of the population that's in total denial thinking that things are going to return to the way that they were, not willing to face and see that massive industries have been disrupted to the core and things will inevitably change. And do you want to be a part of that change? Do you want to decide to lean in and to take action and get what you want out of this opportunity? Because it is an opportunity, right? So, it doesn't matter what your story is, what your heartache is, like wake up to it and don't fear what one action is going to turn into because we have no idea. You have no idea what's going to happen if you just pick up the phone and take a signal action. And that's the scary part that prevents people from moving forward. But maybe you could reframe your belief system and trust that good things will happen when you take action.

 

Arwen Becker: Because they will. They always do. They always do. We know that. They always do. Activity action leads to results and sometimes it's not a great result but at least you learn from that result and you go, “Okay. I'm not going to do that again,” but you and I know just as well. I mean, fear, most of what we fear never comes to pass, and yet the few times it does, it's typically not as bad as we think it is. And so, letting that stop you, it's such a tough way to live because that's where people get to the end of their life with regrets. That's why you have so many people who are facing very, very real situations right now that are in their 70s and 80s and are still having to shelter in place and that gives you a lot more time to think about what is it that I could have done? If I went back and I talked to my 20-year-old self or my 30-year-old self or my 40 or 50 or 60-year-old self, what do I wish I would have done? And what was it that stopped me? Most of the time was fear of failure, fear of looking stupid, fear of…

 

Amber Vilhauer: The unknown.

 

Arwen Becker: The unknown. Right.   Exactly, the unknown, all of those pieces. You're such a wealth of knowledge. I want to talk to you like hours and hours. So, we’re going to have to do this again very, very soon. But you know, you had a bazillion little nuggets in there. So, I know that listeners got a lot out of that but if you're looking back on this time period in your life and the things that you've learned, what would you say are kind of like those three big things that you really took away from this major experience in your life?

 

Amber Vilhauer: Yeah. There's so many, so many, and I've really spent a lot of time exploring what I got out of it and moving through it. I wrote a book around it. That's not published yet but it's juicy. But I think one of the big things is just reminding myself that you really can create anything. Save yourself, right? That's part of it is that nobody is going to do the work for you. Save yourself. You really can create any reality that you want to but it starts with you. It just starts with that small action. I'm thinking about I don't know if this is going to be three, how we can group them. I'm just downloading right now. But one is be the light. So, I think about from that experience, I have an opportunity to know the dark side of life and make a different choice. And now the way I show up every day is I can take all of the years I didn't feel heard and seen and valued, and I can bottle that up and now I can put light and validation into every single person that I talked to every single day.

 

I have 12 to 13 calls a day with prospects, team clients, you name it, community I'm speaking. I'm always talking and it's always an opportunity to be the light and help that person feel seen and feel valued. And when somebody feels heard and seen and loved and valued, it is like the best magic elixir that gives them fricking this force of the universe to go out and just do anything with. And yet we walk around and don't give that simple, easy gift to people and we can. It's not hard. It's just a matter of being present and being open and just being thoughtful about it. So, being the light came from that experience.

 

Arwen Becker: Taking your eyes off yourself, I mean, in order to see other people, you have to take your eyes off yourself no matter what is going on in your life. It doesn't matter how hard it is. You have to be willing to go, "You know what, it's not all about me and I might not have money, I might not have a roof over my head, I might not have the clothes that I need, I might not have food on the table, but I still have the words from my mouth that can go and bless somebody at that moment.” And it may be the moment they needed it the most. But that happens when we, for a moment, take our eyes off ourselves when we start looking around at people around us and seeing what is it that they need that I have to give to them. I just think that you're brilliant.

 

Amber Vilhauer: And karmically speaking, the more you do that, the better. It's not a physical tangible reward every time. Like I'll be on a 30-minute phone call with somebody and for sure they are not prepared for my services or anything like that. Couldn't care less. I'm going to fricking give that woman everything I've got in that moment. I am going to pour into her and that's it. That's the end of it and people pour into me and it's just karmically speaking, it matters most how you choose to show up in that moment and then you don't have to worry about the rest. They will come back to you because it does every single time. That's the way it works.

 

Arwen Becker: That's right. That's right. Exactly. But it's not a vending machine. It's not, as you said, it's not always instantaneous, right? But it is about leaving people better. I mean, ultimately, we all can do that. Every human interaction, we can make that choice to leave somebody better than we found them. Alright. So, the rapid-fire three questions. So, what is the best financial piece of wisdom that you have been given?

 

Amber Vilhauer: I think of my dad here because he always said, "Pay with cash,” and I didn't listen to him. I was like, “Oh, yeah, that sounds really good, dad,” and then I went out and I bought a jeep. And it was like, I was 17. I bought this gorgeous Grand Jeep Cherokee. I loved every moment of driving it and he should have seen the look on his face like, "Well, she's going to learn a hard lesson.” And I was like, “Oh, no, it's great. Everything's fine.” Oh, man, it wasn't. So, fast forward about four years later, forget the car that I had to sell. I was $40,000 in debt. And it was like, oh, the hard lessons. Next car I bought paid for it in cash. It was the best feeling ever, just not having to play the same game that most people do. I'm not saying that's great advice for other people. That worked really well for me, paying cash. I loved that.

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah. I think that's awesome. It's always good advice if you don't have the money. What about best book, a great book that you would recommend? Why? Something from the past? Something currently?

 

Amber Vilhauer: Og Mandino is the author. The book is The Greatest Miracle In The World. And very few people know about this book, which surprises me because it is so insanely good. It's a super-fast short read. And the very back of the book, there is a chapter called The God Memorandum. You can actually go google right now The God Memorandum PDF and that chapter will pull up free for all. And that chapter it will blow your fricking mind with what's written and how it speaks to your soul and the truth of why we're here. And it really just fills you up with this love and this validation and this goodness that it's like you just get this instant clarity. So, anytime that I am feeling off, low, lost, or somebody around me is, I give them that PDF and it's like, “Got it. I know how to move forward.”

 

Arwen Becker: I'm going to have to look that one up. Then finally, what's a favorite quote of yours?

 

Amber Vilhauer: I have many but one that I give a lot is I actually found this in a fortune cookie years ago. It's a fortune cookie quote and it is, "Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.” And I love that because anytime I feel fear, I think I don't want to be afraid so I lean into it, immediately take action with it, and then I feel good again. I feel empowered. So, do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.

 

Arwen Becker: I want to hear that in a Yoda voice. Can you do that in a Yoda voice? I can’t. Well, my dear, you are such a blessing to me and to many people and just such a wealth of knowledge and goodness and grace and beauty. And I know that there is so much ahead for you that so many, I would say millions of people, especially women, and I am just one of them are going to be so blessed by the life that you continue to lead and the people that you continue to surround yourself with, and I know that you are still so young and so vibrant and so full of things to give to the world around you. And this is only the beginning, my friend. So, you have just been such a blessing. Thank you so much for coming on.

 

Amber Vilhauer: Thank you. And honestly, Arwen, I'm not even just saying this, everything you just said to me word for word is how I feel about you too. I mean, you are remarkable. What a blessing to know you and just always hold the space and watch your journey. This is what's possible, everyone. It is possible to feel like this all the time.

 

Arwen Becker: That's right.

 

Arwen Becker: So, how can people get ahold of you?

 

Amber Vilhauer: All over the internet. Amber Vilhauer is kind of a weird last name to remember, V-I-L-H-A-U-E-R. I'm all over YouTube, on social media. Like just go check me out. I'm up to all kinds of cool things.

 

Arwen Becker: That's it. You're going to find her and your life is going to be better because of it. So, thank you so much, my friend, for spending time.

 

[CLOSING]

 

Arwen Becker: Thanks for spending time with me on the She Handled It Podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please be sure to subscribe so future interviews are automatically downloaded directly to your device. And if you want access to the show notes including links to all the resources mentioned, visit LIFEwithArwen.com/Podcast. Thanks again for joining me. Now charge forth because if she handled it, so can you.

[Text Wrapping Break][END]

 

 

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