036: Chronic Illness was Her Hidden Blessing with Kelly Lynn Adams

Kelly Lynn Adams: my body was literally breaking down.

Kelly Lynn Adams: So, I remember going to the doctors, and my doctor is like, you are going to the emergency room right now. I was in the hospital for two days. I had IV. I was dehydrated, I was malnourished. it took me two and a half months to really recover. All I could do was sleep. I was exhausted.

[INTRODUCTION]

Arwen Becker: I was thinking back to this time period. We're going to be hashing out a topic that reminded me of February 2018. I was super excited because I had taken all this time and energy to schedule this event with all these friends to go to the ShoWare Center where we were going to see the TobyMac concert. And TobyMac, if you're not familiar, is a very prolific Christian artist, more of a hip-hop kind of rap, very, very fun to watch and listen to.

So, I had scheduled that we were going to get a box at the ShoWare Center. There were 16 of us going. It was our whole family and a couple of other families and kids from school. It was going to be great. So, early that morning, I woke up for this event that we had with all of our team at my office. We went through the event, and we were going through our vision, it was really great, it was an effective day, the moment it was over. It was about 11:30 in the morning, I just didn't feel well. And so, I headed home, thinking, okay, well, I'll just lay down for a nap, and then I'll feel better, and then we'll go to the concert and leave around two or three o'clock in the afternoon.

Well, I got home, took my temperature, and I had 101-degree temperature, and I was so disappointed. And so, I recognize, of course, at that point, I wasn't going to get to go. I was going to be the 16th person that had scheduled the whole thing for everybody else, but I wasn't going to get to go. So, my husband took our kids. They went, had a blast, sent me all these pictures of it. By the time they got home, it was about 9:30, and my fever was gone, I felt totally fine. And when I woke up that next morning, it was as if nothing had happened. And I remember thinking that morning, going, wait a second, I was doing this really noble thing. I was taking these people and scheduling this great Christian concert, it was going to be so spiritual and wonderful, and yet I didn't get to go.

And what I recognized at that moment is that it doesn't matter how noble your intentions are, if you are exhausted, you are exhausted. And sometimes God's going to say, you know what, right now, what you need is to just sit down. And it was such a hard lesson because I was so wanting to go to that concert, but when I look back on the previous six months, I was so sick, I was constantly overworking myself, I was constantly pushing too hard. And it was with this thought process that it was for the right reasons. So, therefore, I could somehow do it.

And my guest today knows this all too well. Kelly Lynn Adams is a certified executive leadership life coach, speaker, and the creator of the Perfectly Imperfect podcast, I love that. She's helped hundreds of high achieving women manage their mindset, maximize their time, and monetize their business. Kelly Lynn has spent over 14 years in corporate America, working for some of the top brands like Gucci, Kenneth Cole, and Bed Bath & Beyond. Her mission is to activate leaders to redefine and step into their next level of success without struggle or stress. That’s the important part. Her transformational coaching, speaking, and success secrets are often sought out by media. She has been featured on Forbes.com, Huffington Post, and affiliates of CBS, Fox, and ABC, just to name a few.

[INTERVIEW]

Arwen Becker: Kelly Lynn, I'm so excited to have you on this show today. Thank you for joining us.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Thank you, Arwen. I'm so excited to be here.

Arwen Becker: Oh, I am thrilled that you're going to share some really good stuff today, but before you launch into that, why don't you tell us all what song you brought to add to our overcomer playlist?

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yeah. So, the song Happy by Pharrell Williams. I love that. It's such an upbeat song, right?

Arwen Becker: Yeah. Why did you choose it, just for that reason?

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yeah. Just you know, there are very motivational songs, but sometimes we just need that, like happy go lucky, like a kid, a song that just like speaks to our soul, really.

Arwen Becker: I love that. Did you by any chance, get it, and do you have any of the phrases or words in that song pulled up? Are you going to sing it for us?

Kelly Lynn Adams: I don’t. You don't want me to sing.

Arwen Becker: Some people do.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yeah, I don't remember, but I just know how it makes me, literally, whenever I put that song on, my body just moves, like it just moves. It speaks to my soul literally.

Arwen Becker: Yeah. That is a great song, no doubt about it. Well, from a high note of a great, wonderful song that makes you feel happy, I know that you were talking about a number of years ago, you had landed yourself in the hospital. There were some pretty significant things going on with you, so why don't you take us all back there? What was going on?

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yes. So, I was in corporate America, I was working in the fashion industry and love the industry. And I was really overwhelming my own self, like I put the self-sabotage, the self-pressure, all of that on myself because I was linking my self-worth to how productive I was. And it was like the harder I worked and the more I could achieve and accomplish, the more love, the more recognition, the more, oh, what a great job, the validation that I received. So, it fed my heart, it fed my identity, it fed that piece of me that wanted that recognition. And so, I really put everything on hold, I put my relationships on hold, I put my health at whole on hold, even myself love on hold, because I was so just overwhelmed. And it didn't matter because I was checking all the boxes. And I always felt, I remember feeling this way, like I'm doing so much and yet it's never enough. And that's what I always felt.

So, I was working. I remember, we had this like a huge project, and I was like, wow, this is really going to take an 80-hour work week, plus I had my business on the side. And I was like, you know what? It's only going to be two months, like it's only going to be eight weeks, I can do this, I can put in the work. It's just going to be one of those busy times, and I'm just going to have to suck it up. So, literally, I was eating, sleeping, and working. And I was getting cars home at night, then I was eating Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks for dinner, lunch, and breakfast. Like, yeah, I mean, I was having munchkins for dinner, like all of the things.

And I remember, there were so many red flags that were going off, and I just didn't listen. Like I was exhausted, I was pushing myself, I wasn't celebrating. Like on the weekends, I was working, and I was working a side business because I was, like, in love with this. I'm like, oh, no, like this fuels me, it's passion, blah, blah, blah. And yet I wasn't having fun. I wasn't dating at the time, I wasn't seeing friends. I would have conversations over the phone. So, that was another thing. And then, I also remember one day while I was working, again, it was this big project, and I looked at the clock, and it was four o'clock in the afternoon, and I hadn't eaten, drank, or went to the bathroom.

And so, I knew it, I knew what I was doing to myself, and I knew the red flags that were showing themselves to me. Yet I was so, I would like to say, like obsessed. I was obsessed, and I was so plugged in being like, oh, it's only eight weeks, I can do this, I can push through it. And my body was like, no, no, you can't. So, in the middle of that time, similar to your story, I got 102 fever, I was feeling like crap, I was developing like rashes, I was developing a candida-like oral thrush in my mouth, like my body was literally breaking down.

Arwen Becker: Right, right.

Kelly Lynn Adams: So, I remember going to the doctors, and my doctor is like, you are going to the emergency room right now. And so, they basically said, it was adrenal fatigue. I was in the hospital for two days. I had IV. I was dehydrated, I was malnourished. And so, that's what happened. And then, after that, it took me two and a half months to really recover. All I could do was sleep. I was exhausted. I had had mono a couple of years ago, it kind of came back, because your body doesn't totally recover from that. I was exhausted. So, literally, I did not work. I could not even see people, I was that tired.

Arwen Becker: When you were in the hospital, because you were so focused on do, do, do, could you even fathom the fact that you were in the hospital because you were pushing yourself so hard? Or was it kind of like instant wake-up call?

Kelly Lynn Adams: No, instant wake-up call. I was like, okay– because at the time, too, remember, I had a side business, I was coaching women about self-love. So, I was like, oh, well, isn't this funny? The universe gives the lesson that…

Arwen Becker: The irony of life.

Kelly Lynn Adams: The irony, like Kelly, what are you doing, right? And I had a lot of shame around that, too, and I didn't tell people I was in the hospital because I'm coaching women on how to take care of themselves and how to love themselves more. Meanwhile, I wasn't doing it. And I was doing in certain instances, but in that eight-week period, I was not. And so, I remember, like so clearly in the hospital being like, how did you get here? Like, what are you doing? This is ridiculous.

Arwen Becker: And you probably had a good amount of time to sit and think about that while you were there.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yeah. And I remember like, the TV had Judge Judy on. And I’m like, what is going– like what is going on? And yeah, I had quite a lot of time to think and process and be like, this is your lesson. Like this is the lesson that you're going to master because you don't want to repeat it. And there have been times, and I developed like a few chronic illnesses during that time. And I like to say they're my biggest blessings now, today, because they are my just kind of like whenever I am pushing myself or working too hard, they let me know, just like, you know, are you going to do this again? So, they're a blessing because they're my signals. They're my warning signs, yeah, that you're pushing too hard.

Arwen Becker: Right. And you said that you had many red flags along the way. And I think this is something that many women face, and there might be plenty of women who are listening right now that when you are exhausted, you cannot recognize those. When you are so depleted, when you are overworked, when you are malnourished, when you are dehydrated, those signals get all jumbled with other signals, and you can't hear them and you can't sense them until it takes something like, I went into the ER a couple of years ago, I thought I was having a heart attack. And it was anxiety. It was that I was having acid reflux for such a significant period of time, and they got so mad at me because I took a number of days until I finally came into the ER, but it was just like how sad that it was something that was solved with Mylanta. It was saying just like with yours, it was just you needed to stop.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yeah. And I think we put so much pressure on ourselves, women especially, right? Just think of our mothers and our grandmothers and all of the generations that came before us, we are like Superwoman, like we are doing more than ever before, we're connected more than ever before. And as women, I think we do, like we want to create change, we want to create impact for the next generations. At least that's how I feel. And so, it's like, okay, well, if it's meant to be, it's up to me. And sometimes, we need to allow grace and space, and slowing down is the most beneficial thing that we can do. And if you were to say that to me a few years ago, that slowing down, I wouldn't even be able to hear you because slowing down was not I felt like, oh, slowing down means laziness, slowing down means, oh, not the high-productive, high-performer type A personality that I am. And what I've learned about slowing down is you block your blessings when you don't make space for them to come into your life.

So, you're not going to receive the blessing, whether it's the person, the situation, the opportunity, the abundance, the money, if there's no space for it to come in. So, that was the biggest lesson about slowing down and giving myself grace and space and permission to just be, because I was the doing, the human doing. I wasn't the human being.

Arwen Becker: Right. Yeah. I mean, if you think back to that time period, you did say if you were told that you needed to slow down, create some space, you wouldn't have even heard it. So, is there really a way in which you can help cut through for women who are currently doing the same thing, they're doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, instead of recognizing you've got it, you've got to provide some of that space to just be? Is there anything that you think somebody could have said to you then that would have helped you maybe cut through a little bit of it?

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yeah, I would say the question I probably would have gotten my attention is what is the cost of you not slowing down? Like, if someone were to tell me that it would cost me two and a half months of absolutely being able to do nothing and just sleeping, that would have woken me up. I'd be like, no, I don't have time to sit in bed for two and a half months. And if you came at that angle, I would have listened, I would have paid attention. So, that's what I would say to people now, is think about, and I don't want people to think about the worst-case scenario, however, right? It's like, is it going to cost you something if you can't work for three months straight or six months straight, or a diagnosis that really needs your attention right now instead of the doing? So, I think that would have caught my attention, and it can happen to you, not like you're invisible, and it's not going to, because a lot of people think they have this level of success and like, oh, nothing can touch me. And it's like, yeah, like it can, I mean, look at COVID. I mean, some people got COVID, some people didn't, but there was no kind of– you have to protect yourself.

Arwen Becker: Right. Yeah. And you said something right at the beginning. You didn't exactly use the word ego, but you did say these accomplishments, you felt like that was providing your self-worth. And I think it's unfortunate, but a lot a lot of times, we have to learn these lessons the hard way because they're one of the typical things that I think a lot of us do when we're younger as we think that the same rules don't apply to us that apply to other people. And we hear of people running themselves into the ground or getting really sick or something, just kind of grinds their world to a halt, but the longer you live, the more people you talk to, the more common you realize that issue is, especially for high achievers, especially for those of us who like to have a lot of things that we're working on, and we'd like task list, and we like affirmations. I'm a words-of-affirmation girl, I mean, that's one of my love languages.

Just because I enjoy that feedback doesn't mean it's not a bad thing, but when it becomes my self-worth, when it becomes the only thing that if I do this and I get good feedback, then therefore, I'm a good human being and I'm doing the right things. It puts those of us who want that feedback in a position that we're constantly doing what you were talking about doing, doing, achievement, next achievement, next achievement until the moment where you realize you're in a hospital bed or you're in your bedroom sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. And there are no achievements outside, putting your feet on the floor and maybe taking a shower that day. And you recognize my value can't be found in a task list. And so, when you were having to sleep these days away, were you able to get anything done or did you really have to take this as a time of learning a whole new way of feeling good about yourself?

Kelly Lynn Adams: No, I had literally had no energy. Like you said, sometimes it would be days that I could not even take a shower, like it was that bad, and sometimes you just sleep through the day, through the night, I was exhausted. My body was like screaming. And so, I like to compare it to kind of like a battery in your cell phone, like it will just die, like it's done. And I think we also have to treat ourselves, like recharging every day and whatever that looks like, like plugging your cell phone, plug in your computer, like plugging into yourself. I mean, that could simply look like going outside for five minutes and, like, breathing the fresh air, or it could be at least drinking three bottles of water or glasses of water, like the hydration. They're so simple, yet we don't do them sometimes. Or maybe, it's literally taking ten minutes to just close your eyes and just sit and breathe, like it can look like anything to anybody, and some people need to get away.

So, I would just say these little things are so critical, especially to our mental wellbeing, like we're talking about the physical wellbeing, I mean, they're both connected. So, it's kind of like, did you ever get a massage? I don't know, this happens to me sometimes. I'll get a massage, and the masseuse is working on my body, yet my mind is going like to do less.

Arwen Becker: Ahhhhhh, it’s aggravating.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yeah. So, like, what is the point? Like your body is relaxed, but also the mind-body connection is very strong. So, if I'm sitting in a massage or laying in a massage, and I'm thinking about all the things that I need to do, like that's no good either, right? So, it's also like allowing your brain and your mind to take a rest. I mean, I don't know about you, but I also get really creative ideas when I'm in the shower and I'm not thinking about something. Your brain is at rest, the creativity and the things can happen there, that's the space like you're actually making space.

Arwen Becker: Yeah, mine is when I go for runs, especially, because I'm one of those crazy people who likes to run when it's still dark outside. And it's a dark and when I get about maybe three quarters of a mile and that's when my brain starts to tired, and then that's when those great thoughts and ideas come in It's being able to give your mind a rest, to not cram so much stuff in it that there is no space left for the things that you need to be well. And so, it took you two months to finally be able to not be in bed all the time?

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yes. Not be in bed, actually function, actually work. And I will say this, I love that you bring up the rest. For me, it's like rest is not a luxury, it's a necessity. And I think it's just so important. So, yeah, two and a half months of being totally in bed, and then actually after that, like being able to like, truly function, get back to work, like slowly but surely. So, yeah.

Arwen Becker: Yeah. During that time period, are there any things that could have been said or done for you by people outside of your sphere of influence and people who love you? Were there things that you found to be helpful that they said or they did during that time period, or maybe the reverse that really as you were going through this really significant physical issue that maybe weren't so helpful?

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yeah, I mean, my friends and family were telling me, like, you need to relax, don't work so hard. And I was just in my own little world, I was just in my own little bubble because I was so focused. I'm getting things done and seeking out that love and that validation and the appreciation from my work. So, I don't know if there's, I mean, things were said to me. And I think if I were to just stop and just implement something. So I don't know if I would have, going back, I don't know because I wasn't really listening. And if someone were to ask me that question of, well, what if something happens that will totally take you out? Then, I may have listened, but I don't think anyone approached it from that angle for me. Just people were saying, you're working too hard, you need to grasp, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. And so, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

Arwen Becker: Oh, the ego.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Ego. Yeah, the ego.

Arwen Becker: Yeah. So, I've been there. One of the things I know because you work predominantly with high-achieving women, correct?

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yes.

Arwen Becker: I always like to ask this question. It’s nothing that I had said to you ahead of time. What do you think is, and we'll get back to the topic at hand, but what does women supporting women look like to you?

Kelly Lynn Adams: That's a great question. I think women supporting women, what that looks like to me is really cheering each other on, cheering each other on, being there supportive of each other, and also being of service, meaning offending in the name of service. So, in this case, if someone were to really just be like poking a hole in my ego and saying something that was totally like caught my attention, but within what was covered with love, and they were going to offend me, then I probably also would have listened because I think that transformation occurs, yes, when you're loving that other person, and when you offend in the name of service, that's going to help the other person. And sometimes, it's not always the nicest thing to say, but I think women supporting women, that's what we need to do for each other, like being open. The other person also has to be open to hearing feedback, but also be raw, real, and honest with me, like I want to hear it and being open to that feedback.

So, I think it's all the love in life, but sometimes that can be like spiritual bypassing. So, what I like to say is like, give it to me real, where is my ego getting in the way. Because women supporting women, it's also kind of like a child and a parent. Sometimes tough love is really helpful. It's a sign of love, even though it's tough. So, that's a little bit of a different angle, maybe that you weren't prepared to hear that.

Arwen Becker: No, I think that that's very, very insightful, and it's very true. And when we come back to that whole idea of ego, going around social media, there's some quote about if somebody corrects you and– totally, I’m butchering it, but it's something like if somebody corrects you and you're hurt by it, you have an ego problem, you know? And I think you have to make sure that the caveat is in there, that the person who delivered it has the authority in your life to deliver it because they did it in a loving way. And they're not doing it because they want to hurt you, they're doing it because they truly want you to be better, and just like you said, offending in the name of service, which I've never heard it stated that way. It's really, really good.

It is looking at the ego, but I think a lot of times, we ourselves are thinking, well, what are they going to think about me if I tell them the truth? And when you want the best for other people, especially women, when women can come alongside one another and stand arm in arm and say, I am not in competition with you, we are here to change the world. We are here to do something bigger and better than what we can do on our own. And so, it's not about this comparison thing, it's just that I want to see you further on down the line into your own purpose and your own destiny, but this is a thing that you may not recognize because we do get kind of in our own world, that hyperfocus, I'm doing a thing. And we need to take a moment to stop, which is what you were talking about.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yeah, 100%. And it also comes from like the scarcity mindset, oh, there's not enough in the world, and it's like, no, like, how come we open our hearts, like the open heart is an open mind, open mind is an open heart. And I think a lot of the competition and the scarcity, the jealousy, like it's all linked, and it's like there are eight billion people almost in this world, and there isn't enough for everyone. And that's what my coach says, for every person, there's at least, like 200,000 people that can only hear you, like, only hear your voice, your message, your service, there's probably more, but if you were to think there's 200,000 people that are just uniquely for you, your product service, whatever you are serving, that's huge, right? That's huge if we can make that shift and not come from that scarcity mindset. And that's where I was coming also, too, in my whole burnout. It was like, oh, there's not enough. I have to do this in order to do this. And when I have this, then I'll get that. And it was never enough. That was the whole thing. It's like even though I checked the boxes and did the accomplishments, it was always like, what's next? And it was like that hamster wheel of like, there was nothing enough, yeah.

Arwen Becker: So tiring. So, when you look back at this time period of life, what would you say are the three main things that you did take away from that experience?

Kelly Lynn Adams: One is to just even though you think you know it all, you may not know at all, and be open for the universe to give you lessons. We're all doing the best we can and to just listen, just be one percent more of an open heart and open mindset. Two, I would say, now, it's like just slowing down, even again, if it's one percent more slower than yesterday, even if you can do only one percent today, even if that's like another cup of water more than you drank yesterday. So, taking the small baby steps is what I learned, because over time, these small baby steps will compile and compound and you know that, right, from finance over time. And then, number three is I would just visualize myself as like baby Kelly, you know? So, just visualize yourself as you were two years old or three years old or even look at a child in your life, and how would you treat that child. So, it's like how you treat you. So, that's also the slowing down piece of it. I would have imagined myself as a baby, and I do that today. It's like, okay, what would baby Kelly need in this moment right now? So, those are the three things.

Arwen Becker: What a beautiful word picture that way. I like baby me. I want to hug me. That's really smart. I like that. So, the rapid fire final three questions. So, the best piece of financial wisdom that you've been given.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Oh, my gosh. That you can create money at any moment. And I don't think I really knew that, like, if I want to create money, I can do that, whether it's investing, whether it's creating a product or service. So, just being aware and open that I can create money in any way, and of course, getting help with that if you need to, but knowing that you are a creative being and that you can create money.

Arwen Becker: That's me. I haven't heard it said that way. That's really, really great. And what's a great book that you would recommend, and why?

Kelly Lynn Adams: Okay, so I'm reading it right now, I'm actually listening to an Audible, The Science of Prosperity by Bob Proctor. It's really great. So, I'm listening to an Audible, but it's in a book format, too.

Arwen Becker: And what do you like about it? Tell me a little bit about it.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yeah, it's about, like The Science of Prosperity, so he basically interviewed, like, the most successful people in the world, and they do certain things to bring in prosperity. And also, like it also talks about how we hold ourselves back in our thinking and in how we're creating or not creating. So, it's also like from a mindset and also, like tactical perspective. So, The Science of Prosperity.

Arwen Becker: That’s good. I like it. And then, finally, a quote, favorite quote.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Quote. I posted this on my social media. I mean, that's why it's coming to mind, but I would remind yourself that I am God's highest form of creation.

Arwen Becker: Is that your quote?

Kelly Lynn Adams: I don't know if it's my quote.

Arwen Becker: It sounds like your quote today.

Kelly Lynn Adams: I don't think that's originated, and I must have read it somewhere, but, yeah.

Arwen Becker: I am God's highest form of creation. Oh, beautiful. I love it. So, how can our listeners get a hold of you? Tell us all the good details.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Yeah, they can just head on over to my website at KellyLynnAdams.com, and I'm on all the social media platforms under Kelly Lynn Adams, too, so.

Arwen Becker: Very good. Well, you have been such a blessing. And I just so appreciated the fact that you reached out to me. And you have such a vibrant, even though never meeting, just through an audible message to me, I'm like, this is a woman I need to know. And it completely confirms that you are an authentic, beautiful version of you. And I came across. So, I just so appreciate you sharing your heart and your struggle with us today. Thank you.

Kelly Lynn Adams: Oh, my gosh. Thank you for having me on. I'm honored. I love your podcast. You're doing incredible things, and you're just helping other women, too, in this world. And we talked about this previously, but just the work that you're doing is literally changing generations. So, thank you.

Arwen Becker: Thank you. That means a lot to me. It made me cry. Well, thank you so much, my dear. I appreciate you coming on the show today.

[END]