024: Shattered by Abuse, but Unbroken In Faith with Kristal KlearBy Arwen Becker | January 19, 2021
Kristal Klear never asked for the severe abuse she suffered at the hands of multiple people growing up, people she looked to for love and protection. That gave way to domestic abuse as an adult. After breaking free from all of that, Kristal does not identify as a victim. With her faith and determination, she made it through, and now she helps others to do the same.
Kristal is the author of Shattered Glass, the host of the Kristal Klear Podcast, and the CEO of the Rock Paper Scissors Foundation, a nonprofit that specializes in supporting victims of physical, mental, sexual, and emotional abuse, as well as human trafficking. She helps people restore themselves from brokenness to wholeness and create better futures.
Today, Kristal shares her story of overcoming abuse, what stops people from breaking free from their traumas, and the power of support networks to help us through our toughest challenges.
Overcomer Playlist Recommendation
Pearls of Wisdom
- The value of living every single day like it’s your last day.
- Why your past does not predict your future.
- The importance of taking care of yourself – and why healing is your responsibility.
Tweetables“When you are in a very negative relationship, creativity is stifled, plain and simple.” - @LIFEwithArwen Click To Tweet “If you're clutching onto the old, you'll never be able to embrace the new. You can't do anything about the past, but you can do something about the future.” - Kristal Klear Click To Tweet “Sometimes it's so hard for us to walk through new seasons, because we're so attached to the old season.” - Kristal Klear Click To Tweet “It's embracing other strengths and celebrating their victories. It's clapping and applauding for others when they're winning, even if you're losing.” - Kristal Klear Click To Tweet “Resources are not always financial because sometimes we just don't have the extra resources, but resources can be friends and relationships or people.” - @LIFEwithArwen Click To Tweet “Heal so that you can hear what’s being said without the filter of your wounds.” - Kristal Klear Click To Tweet
- She Handled It, So Can You!: An Inspiring and Empowering Financial Guide for Women
- Kristal Klear Podcast
- Shattered Glass by Kristal Clark
- Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Meyer
- Rock Paper Scissors Foundation
- Kristal Klear’s Instagram
- Kristal Klear’s Facebook
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Connect with Arwen Becker
Arwen Becker: On today's podcast, we talk a lot about women's resilience. And I like to think of it as this just ferocious nature that they have to find a way to handle it. So, it reminds me of a story that I told in my book, She Handled It. And so, I figured I would just go ahead and read that. I think of those days when I worked at the Wildlife Center and we had to deal with raccoons. They were the only animals that necessitated specialized cages. When I needed to tend to a wound or do a hands-on examination, one volunteer would grab the two handles on the side of the cage and pull them forward as hard as they could. And what that would do is it would slide the back of the cage forward, squeezing the raccoon against the front of the cage, immobilizing it so I could sedate it with a shot. It was called a squeeze cage. Without sedation, that raccoon and all of its flexibility and ferociousness would tear me apart and a couple did over those years. It didn't matter that it weighed just 15 pounds, raccoons would do severe damage to anyone within arm's length. Sedation was the only way to deal with their ferocity.
I think in many ways, women are much like these raccoons. We are feisty, tenacious, persistent, adaptable and totally determined, and adorable. When you get backed into a corner just like my mom, you come out fighting. I've always found myself drawn to stories of amazing women facing tremendous adversity and overcoming challenges of life, whether self-imposed or completely unexpected. You are remarkable. No one can care for you the way that you can care for you. You are your best life plan and that's good news.
Kristal Brazzle is the author of Shattered Glass, host of the Kristal Klear podcast and CEO and founder of the nonprofit organization Rock Paper Scissors Foundation. RPS specializes in supporting those who have been physically, mentally, sexually, and emotionally abused as well as those who have been human trafficked. Her unstoppable passion to restore people from brokenness to wholeness has pushed her to challenge others with this theme. We can't do anything about the past, but we can sure do something about the future.
Kristal is a certified life coach, holds a degree in early childhood education and is thoroughly trained in human trafficking trauma care, sexual abuse, and child abuse. Through education and awareness, she sheds light on the dark practice of exploitation within communities and is engaged in campaigns that provide hope and help for those suffering in silence caused by abuse. She approaches life with a vision, sophistication, and confidence that inspires everyone she meets, including me. Kristal, I'm so happy to have you join me on the show today.
Kristal Klear: I am so stinking honored. I'm excited. I'm pumped. Ready, we've been trying to do this for a second. So, this is awesome.
Arwen Becker: Yes, indeed, I know there were a lot of things going on in both of our lives. So, the timing was exactly as it was supposed to be. So, I'm so glad to have you on the show today. I know that you had brought a song to add to our overcomer playlist, what is the song and why did you pick it?
Kristal Klear: Something Has to Break by Tasha Cobbs Leonard and the reason that I chose this song is because I start realizing like, I had so many layers on this new journey of life that I have collected in an old season, that I needed some things to break off of me. I was carrying too much dead weight and like all these heavy things and I wanted some things to shed. And so, in my quiet time, I'm a believer, so like, in my quiet time, I was before the Lord. And I just started saying, Lord, you shift me, you change me, you mold me, you make me based off that what you want, not off to how comfortable I am up to not off to any of those things. You know what I mean, Arwen? Just break it off. So, whatever that looks like, something has to break.
Arwen Becker: And it seems like it falls pretty in line with the title of your book.
Kristal Klear: Yes, Shattered Glass. The whole glass breaking, like if you drop a cup, if you drop glass, it's going to break, little pieces everywhere.
Arwen Becker: Yep. And I was thinking about a girlfriend of mine when I was going through some really, really tough times a couple of years ago. She said, right now, you're in a moment where God's taken it down to the studs. So, a lot of people who build houses, it's kind of like that absolute expansive remodel. It's not, Oh, we're just doing a little painting and wall repair. It's like we're ripping everything out, except for the bones of the house. And a lot of times we can find ourselves, I know that there are, I'm sure, a woman or two out there under the sound of our voice who can relate to being in a season right now where it feels like everything is stripped away, but yet, that's where you get to build back something beautiful and amazing.
And I know that that's something that you've done, you moved, I mean, you went through, I know we're going to kind of launch in, but you went through a name change, you moved to town, tell us a little bit about that.
Kristal Klear: So, unfortunately, and when you go through these things, sometimes it's so hard for us to walk through new seasons, because we're so attached to the old season. And we're also attached to like the outdated version of ourselves because we put a cap on ourselves and we can't see ourselves going any further. For me, my identity even came in a ring, like my identity came through a last name because I didn't plan on getting divorced, but unfortunately, I had to start over.
And when I started over, I shifted names and then there were insecurities and that whole shame factor. And then, there's this whole condemnation and self-talk and beating-yourself-up thing because no longer could Kristal perform in certain areas of life and act like certain things were okay, that weren't okay. I had to really walk through some things and then not walk around them. And so, that name change seems like a little thing, but for me, it was huge. So, my identity was in a ring and even in my book Shattered Glass, there was like a little quote that I said, Kristal, what happens when the ring comes off, like who are you?
Arwen Becker: Right. Oh my gosh, it's just so poignant. I think that's brilliant. So, for you, we've certainly had some conversations over the years and mutual friends and things of that nature, but I know that really your passion and your vocation really center around helping people overcome abuse and even life after being trafficked. So, what was it in your own life that led you down that path?
Kristal Klear: Well, Arwen, unfortunately, I experienced some sexual abuse, like many of us do. I'm a childhood sexual abuse survivor and it started happening at the earliest age of 4. And because of that, there was almost like this residue that I carried around with me, this brokenness, not a healthy brokenness, but like this torment and just this yucky stuff and a lot of trauma, a lot of insecurities, a lot of fear, a lot of rejection, betrayal, and bitterness. These were like the things that were in my purse.
So, carrying these things around in my purse, they became a part of my lifestyle, like who I was. And I realized that as these things kept happening to me, even in my teenage years, it wasn't stopping. And I made some poor choices, I made some choices. And when I made some choices, I started realizing that I had myself in situations at times that I could have been trafficked. It could have been me, thank goodness, I never let myself go too far. And there were things that I could control and I made good choices at times, but I didn't always.
And so, the compassion I had was always based off the fact that when someone decided to steal my innocence at 4 years old, when someone kept tampering with me in places and things mentally and physically that I didn't allow, I could identify with that man, that boy, that little girl, that little boy that had been trafficked. It was like something trapped on the inside of them. And no one ever could like, get their voice back. And so, I told the Lord that, like, it's my due diligence, if you heal me of my sexual brokenness from the rapes and the molestations and the abuse, I got you, like, I'll give back and that's how I got here.
So, for some people, like doing this type of work is like the latest fad or the next big thing, but for me, it's personal. And it's like being the biggest ambassador of the kingdom for God. It's almost like this undercover, I also think of a superhero, I think of this undercover angel because you get to go in and save the day for someone by giving them a voice but not taking their voice, giving them a voice and surrounding them with love. So, I don't know, that's just how I see it, sounds off like, was fuzzy and warm. I couldn't even get that out, because I get so passionate about it, like my words are chasing me, I'm literally off my chair.
Arwen Becker: I can feel it. I totally hear you. So, I mean, you talk about being sexually abused as a really, really little kid. What was family life like growing up? Did you have any good solid support? And this was happening outside of that or what was your youth in general like?
Kristal Klear: No, I had amazing parents. My parents actually were in ministry. And my mom, they were super particular about where I got to go, who I got to go with, and just all those types of things. They were super protective, but unfortunately, on my mother's watch, my godsister, my godmother, her stepdaughter that was 14 years old was the first person to put hands on me. When I say hands, she took toys and put toys in places that they should never go.
And so, my godmother was there, but it was like, she might have been cooking in the kitchen or doing whatever cleaning, it was a Saturday morning-type deal. And it's so funny because I remember it. It was like the stuff just doesn't go, you remember what you're supposed to remember, but I know that it was for somebody else. And the crazy thing was the door was reshut. And to this day, not too long ago this year, closed doors have always reflected secrets, literally secrets.
I'm going to pause right there. And the reason I'm going to pause, Arwen, is because when I think about it, what's catching me right now about this moment is me and you, like you're this big, amazing, like boss chick but has a heart for everyone and you don't forget where you've come from. So, you go back and you pull women in and you get people to the next place because of your passion, kind of the same work that I do, but when this happened to me, it was a woman, it was a girl. So, can you imagine if I would have stayed stuck in that place? And me and you wouldn't be having this conversation because I wouldn't know how to have female relationships.
And so, I think in that moment, I just sat there and paused and said, Wow, you are able to talk about this with other women, like an issue that we don't like to talk about. You have a girlfriend and you're friends with them for 10, 15 years. And you talk about the latest purses and nail polish and hairstyles and hair color, but you never talk about these intimate pieces of things that are broken.
Arwen Becker: Yep. I love what you have said. You said I remember because it was for someone and that’s the whole purpose of why we're sitting here is because you're remembering things that have been so devastating to you and your past, not because that's some mean way that God's up in heaven wanting to do something mean to you, He wants you to remember that. So, the woman or the little boy or the individual that's going through that or has experienced that in the past, that you can be a lifeline to them, as they're coming out of their hurt and their pain and they're growing through it.
And I mean, it's such an important discussion, but there is so much shame surrounding abuse, and especially sexual abuse and those things that caused us to think what did I do to somehow deserve that? How have you found for the people that you have, because you coach a lot of people through this, I think you and I were talking that you’re coaching like 70-plus people right now, working them through abuse, is that correct?
Kristal Klear: Yeah, and trauma and then narcissistic behaviors, like I'm able to, and I want to say this really quick, I have a strong like DNA, when it comes to just like passion for people. I don't know who's listening to your podcast, but literally, I was coughing before, like Arwen, we were making a joke, we're getting ready for the show, I’m like coughing and I'm like, I have not caught, I don't have anything, I am healthy. And it was almost like something was going to stop me from saying what I needed to say, but if you allow me just in this moment in this space to say this really, really quick, the coaching piece of it is not the coaching, it's the identity of we're walking through it and not around it.
We're not creating barriers and layers anymore. We're not putting on fancy earrings, putting on the best purse, the best lipstick and showing up broken. We're not doing it. And I think that's the approach of identifying the trauma, saying shame off of you, let's do some healing, God cannot heal what he doesn't reveal. And then saying it's okay to go to counseling, it doesn't make you weak, your vulnerability makes you strong. And your tears are like liquid streams. So, that's the model that I'm using with the girls, the women. That is the model I wish somebody would have got down and dirty with me. And let me just sit in it forever, fill it, identify it, but I'm not a victim of my story. And then a lot of times, we just stay there stuck because we don't understand why, whys, whys, whys, and you’d make it handicap you, either you have void fillers and you're an overachiever, like me.
Arwen Becker: That would be me. That's how I handled my lack of validation, but for my dad's and feeling abandoned as a child and yeah, all that. Yeah. And it's either overachieving or what was the other thing?
Kristal Klear: No, it's either overseeding or either it’s living in fear or letting someone else your validation come through a form of relationship is what I found.
Arwen Becker: I mean, with all the people that you've spoken to, what do you think is the biggest reason that people find themselves not set free mentally from past abuse?
Kristal Klear: Give that to me one more time.
Arwen Becker: Is there either a common thread either positively or negatively, maybe the common thread that you see for people who are able to overcome past abuse versus the biggest reason that people who have years have passed since the abuse, but they're still bound by it?
Kristal Klear: Yeah. And when I paused, it wasn't because your question wasn't grand. What happened in this moment with talking to you is I almost felt like I would like clap and like celebrate another victory because I start thinking about how far I come. I don't even know why I did that, like I literally was here with you and this is what I do and said girl, you've come far, you knocked yourself out, but I qualified you a long time ago, my hand was off you.
And so, I think what I realized is a lot of us, depending on the fact that we feel we have to be more loyal to other people than ourselves, we think that our voice isn't valid, no one is going to believe us, we feel shame, we're looking at what we did wrong and not what we've done right. You can't take responsibility for someone deciding to violate your body or to treat you, you can't take responsibility, that's a poor character. Choice, if someone makes a mistake or makes those types of decisions, that's poor behavior on them.
If you're in a relationship, I have a girl that I was coaching the other day, and she's like, I just feel like I deserve this, I feel like I've just let all this stuff happen. Yes, she chose him. You didn't see the signs for the emotional abuse that turned into spousal abuse, that turned into domestic violence, that turned into spousal rape. She didn't see the signs, but when she saw them, the light was on and shame on you. And so, it was fear that was keeping her stuck. This particular girl has been divorced for 11 years. And she now is just ready to start getting her healing because of the fear, she says what people are saying, who cares what they say? Who are they?
I think more people go to their grave, not doing what they're supposed to do based off of what other people are going to say or what they're going to believe about them. Do you know that that is the biggest way to keep yourself complacent? You could use that type of excuse when you decided to go build your brand and use your giftings to help other people be financially free. And so, in those moments, I find a lot of people make excuses, but the reason she was making an excuse. And I said to her, I said listen, the reason that you're making an excuse in this moment is because it's easier for you to make an excuse and it's easier for you to feel the pain. You don’t want to feel the pain. So, you’d rather stay complacent and stay hidden and hurt than go forward.
Arwen Becker: Right. And there's comfort in what you do know, I mean, a lot of people don't move forward because that takes a step of faith, they don't know what it's going to be like, they don't know the ramifications of making that choice to get out from underneath that pain. And yet, a lot of people will choose to stay stuck in that place because it's at least comfortable. What about the financial effects of abuse? I mean, I've talked to a number of guests on the show that said they stayed way longer because of the fear of how they would get out of an abusive situation financially. What have you seen and what would you tell a woman who knows that she's in an abusive relationship but needs to make that decision to get out, but maybe the fear of the financial effects are one of the biggest things that they're constantly staying in the relationship for?
Kristal Klear: Well, that's interesting that you say that. I talked to someone actually this morning and that was the reason. Like she goes, I don't know if I'll be able to make it. You can’t afford not to make it, you need your peace of mind. Protect your peace at all costs. Your peace costs you more than someone being able to contribute to your bills and your livelihood. What I've learned is when you're in this type of situation and you're worried about the financial peace, that's when you start tapping into your creativity.
Start crapping into the things that you're already passionate about, that you didn't do because you couldn't believe in yourself or you may not have had this financial backing. You get creative and that's when you decide that if you're great at consulting and advising people, that you grab yourself a couple of people that you can consult. If you make amazing cookies, one of the gals that I coach, she's coming out of the situation, she needs an extra income, she doesn't want to go back to work, she's a phenomenal cookie baker, she bakes, she's awesome three weeks ago. Do you know that she already now has two different businesses that are going to allow her to put her cookies in their business, their establishment because she told her mind and her heart and her strength and her confidence to line up?
Even myself, like starting over, I didn't know what that was going to look like, but what I did was I took passion and I took things that broke me and used them to build myself back up like the coaching. So, not only do I get to give back that way, but then I also get to see it as a way for myself to walk into a new season that does not create anyone else to being the CEO or my PR, but God, no person, no man, no woman, no one gets the credit for what he's doing because I'm deciding to trust him enough and sit with him and listen.
A lot of times, we're already really good at certain things, we don't believe in ourselves to get to the next place, but if you're in a financial situation, use your resources. Don't be scared, that's what they're there for. The deal is not to get stuck on them. Give yourself a year, call 211 and say, hey, what organizations can help me? I'm trying to flee a situation. Hey, what can help me right now? My life is a little tight. I'm not in the healthy situations for myself or my children and I need some assistance. That's when you look in your closet, and you say, Oh, I have a Gucci bag here. Maybe I shouldn't have it right now because I can sell this on Poshmark or wherever, get $700, put that away, that paid my car notes for two months because listen, once you get out of a situation that you shouldn't be in, from what I'm told, there's so much freedom in that that your creativity wills, we're holding on to things. I'm going to give you a quick analogy. And at times, I can squall because I'm so passionate that I'm like, Kristal, slow down.
Arwen Becker: I love it. No, keep riffing. This is great.
Kristal Klear: But do me a favor, open your hands. If your hand is open and then you close your hand, so your fist is balled up and is close and your fist is close and close and close. And in this closed fist, you have your Gucci bag, things that are not essential. So, what's your essentials? You have your Gucci bag, you have all these books, all these different things in your fist that you're holding on to because you put your value system in things and people and material items that have become idols and those are things that can be a launching pad for your financial freedom so that you can get out, how in the world are you going to be able to receive anything else, if you're clutching onto the old, you'll never be able to embrace the new. You can't do anything about the past, but you can do something about the future.
So, how do I go back and look and recreate my situation? My wins are here. These are my strong points. This is my lane. This is what I'm good at, a lot of times, we get so into the comparison, that we're comparing ourselves to other people and that's where we lose the mark. And then we X our self out of our own financial freedom, our own opportunity to be our own boss.
Arwen Becker: Yeah, I think you hit so many things, I want to make sure I pull out that our listeners really, really heard. One, you said that creativity, when you are in a very negative relationship, creativity is stifled, plain and simple. When you are stressed out, there's all sorts, I mean, I haven't had anybody on the show that can talk about really the physical aspect of that, but your brain does not function at an optimal level. When you get out of that and you don't have that pressure on you, it does allow your mind to now wander into these areas where you start getting ideas and you're receptive to hearing them because you're at more of a place of peace and rest. So, I think that is a really important component because oftentimes, we think I don't have any good ideas. Well, maybe part of the reason why you don't is because so much of your mental overhead is being allocated towards very, very negative components, just being able to survive. So, when you get out of that, creativity really starts to be released.
Secondly, women are fighters. I mean, I talked about this in my book, too, I liked it, too, the raccoons because they're cute and they're feisty and they are so good at being able to get out of different jams that they get themselves into. And women really are that way, that's why I have this term of She Handled It. This is why I said it in a video years ago that I was talking about my mom that my mom was in this position, where my dad had stepped out, both of them together were not providing for the family. And so, my mom handled it and she found a way to do the things that were necessary to be able to care for my sister and I and make sure that we had our basic needs met. So, that was number two.
And then, third was you were talking about resources. And a lot of times we think about resources, always in the financial area, but you were starting to kind of sprinkle in some other ones. Resources are not always financial because sometimes we just don't have the extra resources, but resources can be friends and relationships or people that your friends and co-workers might be able to get you in touch with somebody else who maybe has some of the direction that could be provided for you, or just the gifts that you have, like you're talking about the lady who made the cookies.
So, I just think that those are really important components to pull out of all of the great things that you were saying and make sure that any of you, wonderful women out there, under the sound of my voice, understand that there is a lot more than just money. When it comes to being in a relationship, it's being able to see these other components. So, I just wanted to pull that out.
Kristal Klear: I love it, what you just said was so powerful. And I mean, that was powerful. I mean, honestly, Arwen, that was like, amazing and that's the truth. There's no other way around it. It's within us, we all have it within us, we all have the same opportunity. So, I heard you say something about speaking to the mental health piece of it. And so, I could actually speak to that because I am a survivor of emotional abuse and PTSD is something that I've had to work really hard to protect my mental health. And so, it's very real, you guys, but if I can do it, you can do it.
This amount of stuff that happened in my life. Like, I didn't ask for six different people to rape me, I never asked for that. I didn't ask for domestic violence, but I'm not a victim. I made it through, you can make it through. Yes, it's been hard emotionally and mentally, but that's when you do tools, you use different tools, like there's Healing Hearts and Celebrate Recovery and therapies and so-so, integrated timelines and devotionals and there's just trauma therapy, yoga, fitness, taking care of yourself.
Arwen Becker: Yep. Self-worth, being able to get to that point where you recognize you are worthy to take care of yourself. And that might mean saying no to a lot more than you say yes to, because you matter, that is so important. And I have had to learn that the hard way. I really thought I've been doing a lot of study on codependency growing up in an alcoholic home and how that's affected me. And the more I study, the more I am really quite surprised at how low my self-worth is, in reference to what people see is this projection of who I am because I take so much of people's feedback as whether I'm valuable or not. And it's a really big component for a lot of us.
And if you don't have somebody who you can talk to, like a coach like Kristal or going and seeking a counselor or a therapist or a pastor, a very trusted individual who has experienced this, you're going to stay stuck. I mean, there's a lot of great podcasts, your podcast is a great resource to help people get unstuck from abuse and what that looks like and how people internalize it and so many of those different pieces.
Kristal Klear: Listen, Arwen, I’m going to say this really quick. Y’all, if I can do it, you can do it. And the things that happened may not have been my fault, but the healing is my responsibility. You didn't ask for it, I didn't ask for it, but it's our responsibility. Only look at it, forgive yourself, forgive others because unforgiveness will make you literally sick. And forgive, do a self-inventory to check in to see where you really are with that and you'll be good to go. And the sky's the limit. Life's not over. It's just starting girls.
Arwen Becker: Yeah, that's right. Absolutely. So, as you're looking back on your life and a lot of the things that you've gone through, what would you say, maybe two or three key points that you've taken away throughout your life?
Kristal Klear: The thing that I'm going to realize is I'm going to live every single day like it's my last day. I'm not going to apologize anymore for skills, giftings, talents, and greatness, but I will always walk in humility, honor, love, joy, be a person of community and a person that celebrates others and that gives other people a chance and that just walks with empathy and compassion. And the thing I learned is that just because I went through some really, really hard times, does not mean that I'm damaged goods. It does not mean that because the buck stops in one place and I was disappointed, that the rest of my life is doomed. I realized that I create what I expect, what I speak, what I declare, what I manifest. I create those opportunities for myself.
The other thing that I realized is that I'm worthy of love and that being around anyone that can't celebrate me publicly and only love me privately, those aren't my people. And I'm okay that I don't have to try to fit in the mold to be a part of anybody's world that I'm not supposed to, that I am unique and I am amazing all by myself, just because God said I was first off, but now because I believe it and that the sky's the limit. And the only person putting a cap on me or stopping me is myself.
Arwen Becker: Absolutely, amen. There’s one other question I just want to throw in there because I really have become very committed in these last number of years to specifically supporting women, not only financially with businesses that are women-owned businesses, but with part of our platform as a company, being that 80% of the marketing that we do is women in our communities and nationally, making sure that women are getting educated in the area of money, but what I've found in that process is this desperate need for women to support one another. And so, I want to ask you, what does that look like to you, women supporting one another?
Kristal Klear: So, women supporting one another, like I'm passionate about this people, I'm sorry. It is not pretentious, it is not based on what you can get, it is not sabotaging you behind your back and making you think about celebrating you, it is not silently competing with you, it's embracing other's differences. It's embracing other strengths and celebrating their victories. It's clapping and applauding for others when they're winning, even if you're losing. It's doing things with a pure heart. And it's also bringing your love and your support where you're complimenting them and not competing with them.
Arwen Becker: It just made me feel so good.
Kristal Klear: It’s sitting with them when it's messy at times and not just when everyone can go out and pay, eat dinner on their tab. Like it is about genuine, authentic relationships.
Arwen Becker: Yep. You hit it. So, rapid fire three questions, so the final three questions. What would you say is the best piece of financial wisdom that you've been given?
Kristal Klear: I think the best, to not live outside of your means. I mean, that might sound really simple, but what is the necessity? Like, what’s an essential? What do I really need? And why am I purchasing certain things? Am I saving money? What is my long-term goal? How am I going to invest? Like, this is just how my mind goes. Is this going to give you a return? Are you spending this money right now to make yourself feel good because you're broken or we're in a pandemic and so, this feels great to get a new pair of shoes that you don't need? Or you know what I mean?
So financially, just being smart. It's not for me, it's not like this big goal. It's being smart and being wise and being a giver and not being greedy. Like, that's very important to me, like making sure I'm giving back as well. You’re creating opportunities to give back, not just receive because I feel like I'm a kingdom finance or a builder, like that would be the heart of it. It's like, how can I help? Like we have these different causes and different things that are happening, how can I contribute and do my part?
Arwen Becker: And like you said earlier, live with an open hand, not a closed fist.
Kristal Klear: Yes.
Arwen Becker: What's your recommended book and why?
Kristal Klear: Well, I'd like to say, depending on what you're going through. It’s just a book that I found very, very helpful to me when I was just in a situation where I just kind of needed some real, real, real things happening. It was Joyce Meyer’s Beauty for Ashes. And it was just because she unpeeled all these layers and she's already like this real MVP that's walked it out. She walked out forgiveness, she walked out no excuses, she walked out, yes, I felt the pain. And then, she also showed you how to leverage any situation that you're in.
So, for me, it was the only thing, I didn't need just self-help, I needed something that was going to give me self-help. The person had walked it out, I was getting some biblical knowledge, I was getting some truth, and I could apply it. And it can make sense. And I could go back and create my own declarations to speak over myself every morning, so I could personalize it.
Arwen Becker: Yeah, and for any of you listeners who really aren't familiar with Joyce Meyer, her background is she was sexually abused for years by her father. And so, when Kristal is talking about the forgiveness, I mean, being able to get to the place where she not only forgave her dad, but in his ailing years, aging years where he needed more care, she actually, I think, moved him in or she paid for all of his care or something pretty significant for the last bit of his life. And yeah, talk about going from one end of the spectrum to the other through forgiveness, really, really powerful. And then a favorite quote?
Kristal Klear: Yes, I love that. So, my favorite quote that I would have to say that I absolutely adore right now. And I know that this quote should resonate with you as well. I am the type of girl that loves things that identify with my season and also keeps me accountable so that I can't make excuses. And so, the quote is, heal so that you can hear what's being said without the filter of your wounds.
Arwen Becker: Say it one more time, it's just so good.
Kristal Klear: Heal so that you can hear what's being said without the filter of your wounds.
Arwen Becker: Who said that? Do you know?
Kristal Klear: I don’t.
Arwen Becker: Well, it'll still be in the show notes as a tweet as well. So, how can our listeners get a hold of you? Any social media, website, your organization's? How can they get a hold of you?
Arwen Becker: And then, where can we get your book?
Kristal Klear: My book is either on my website or you can grab it off at Amazon and it's there, it's all there for you.
Arwen Becker: And what's the subtitle? So, the title is Shattered Glass, right?
Kristal Klear: Shattered Glass: Starting Over and Trusting God to Put You Back Together Again.
Arwen Becker: And I wanted to ask you, how did you decide on the name for Rock Paper Scissors Foundation?
Kristal Klear: So, I'll break that down really quick. It's Rock, no matter what you throw at me; Paper, no matter how you crumble me; Scissors, no matter how you cut me, I'm an overcomer. And so, we give a voice to those that have been silenced by any form of sexual, emotional, physical abuse, human trafficking awareness and prevention.
Arwen Becker: I knew it was going to be good, that's why I had to ask. Well, my beautiful, Kristal, I am so blessed to have you as somebody in my life, even from all the way across the country. It’s been like a warm blanket to be able to talk to you today and I know that for me, sitting here right now, I felt that encouragement. I know both you and I are here to help just one person be able to break free.
And thank you so much for your honesty, for your time, for the commitment you're continuing to make to people around you to help hold some space for them until they can get to that place where they can do that for themselves. So, thank you very, very much for being on the show today.
Kristal Klear: Absolutely. Well, I sure do love you and I'm so grateful guys that you took time to listen to us today or listen to little old me. Go rock it.
Arwen Becker: Yes, indeed.
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