033: Unconventional Path to Life with Wendy Posillico

033: Unconventional Path to Life with Wendy Posillico

On the day that 40-year-old Wendy Posillico was ready to undergo her in vitro fertilization (IVF) procedure, she was stunned when the doctor asked if she had considered finding an egg donor. Heartbroken and devastated by his doubt in the viability of her own eggs, she asked his top RN, “Why am I doing this if he doesn’t think I can do it?”

Thankfully, the nurse gave Wendy some great advice and simply said, “Don’t listen to him.” That advice turned out to be monumental as it led to her biggest and most favorite blessing, her beautiful daughter Josephine June.

Wendy is an coach for athletes, parents, and business people. She helps her clients navigate periods of transition, instigate their souls, disrupt their norms, and connect with who they are. As a former Class A LPGA teaching professional, Wendy traveled with Hall of Famer Betsy King, where she quickly became involved with the Golf Fore Africa foundation. She has served on the board of directors for clean water initiatives since 2009, and has had a myriad of accomplishments along that journey of her own discovery.

In this episode, Wendy talks about the significant negativity she faced in deciding to have a child on her own, without a man in her life, the difficulty surrounding IVF, and the importance of finding people who believe in you especially on an unconventional journey.

Overcomer Playlist Recommendation 

Pearls of Wisdom

  • Pay attention to your inner voice and take action when you have no answers.
  • Find the people who believe in you and support you.
  • Create an environment that empowers you.
  • We are all leaders and our job is to be real

Tweetables

“We are all born unique. If we don't live into our uniqueness and our gifts, we're leaving that untapped in this world, and everybody needs to give each other's gifts. You've got to live your own, not someone else's.” - Wendy… Click To Tweet “Disrupt my norm, and instigate my soul, so I can live my truest self, so I can empower others.” - Wendy Posillico Click To Tweet “Find the one that resonates with you and hears you and sits with you and understands.” - Wendy Posillico Click To Tweet “You have to really work for something, sometimes you achieve it, and sometimes it just prepares you for what's next.” - @LIFEwithArwen Click To Tweet “Every day in every way we are leaving our mark.” - Rachael Bermingham Click To Tweet

 

Resources

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Connect with Arwen Becker

Transcript

[INTRODUCTION]

 

Arwen Becker: When I was 10 years old, I started playing softball, fell in love with the sport instantaneously. Part of it was I had just an amazing, amazing coach, Morrie Storseth. He was actually a dad of three daughters and his youngest daughter ended up becoming a very good friend of mine all throughout high school and junior high, because we were just very much kindred spirits in our athletics. And we ended up taking districts that year on that team.

 

So, it was my first year playing, we were on this incredible team, I had this awesome coach. And because we took districts, he got to be the all-star coach for the team that summer. And one of the things that he was offered is everybody had to be picked because of a lottery. That's how the all-star team worked at that time, but he could choose one athlete that could be on the all-star team that he personally could choose from his team without having to go through the lottery. And he chose me. And I could not believe how excited I was.

 

And then when I found out, I couldn't participate because I wasn't old enough. And at that time, all-stars, you had to be 11 years old, and I've always been really young for my grade. And at that point, I didn't turn 11 until the end of August. And I just remembered how disappointed I was. So, the following year, I was absolutely committed that I was going to make the all-star team, I was going to be on the all-star team that summer, and it was going to be amazing.

 

Well, as we started nearing that time period, I was faced with a decision. I could go on a trip to California with my dad and my sister and get to go to Disneyland and Universal Studios and all these amazing things that I hadn't experienced, or I could try out for the all-star team. I couldn't do both. And at that time, I wanted so bad to be on the all-star team. So, I did make that choice to forego the trip to California and try out for the all-star team. I didn't make it. And I just remembered how hard that lesson was for me as an 11-year-old to not only not make the team, but I also didn't get to go on that trip to California. My sister got to take her best friend instead of me. And yet, some of the greatest lessons that we learn are those when we come really close to something, but we don't make it. It really does prepare us for more.

 

And my guest today, she knows that all too well throughout her life, that sometimes you have to really work for something, sometimes you achieve it, and sometimes it just prepares you for what's next. Wendy Posillico is an elite coach for athletes, parents, business people, or anyone in a period of transition, looking to instigate their soul, disrupt their norm and connect to who they are. As a former Class A LPGA teaching professional, Wendy traveled with Hall of Famer Betsy King, where she quickly became involved with the Golf Fore Africa foundation. She has served on the board of directors for clean water initiatives since 2009, and has had a myriad of accomplishments along that journey of her own discovery.

 

Wendy has made it her mission to inspire people to be more daring and authentic and to enjoy every step of their journey. As a coach, she serves those who want more, and she's not afraid to ask the hard questions so her clients can be the best they can be. Being one of six siblings, family is very important to her. And today, we will talk about her biggest and favorite blessing, her daughter, Josephine June.

 

[INTERVIEW]

 

Arwen Becker: Wendy, welcome to the show today.

 

Wendy Posillico: I am so happy to be here. It's so exciting. Thank you, Arwen. I'm happy to be here.

 

Arwen Becker: Well, we're going to have some good stuff to talk about.

 

Wendy Posillico: Oh yeah.

 

Arwen Becker: I'm really looking forward to it, but before we kind of get into that, why don't you tell me the song that you chose to add to our overcomer playlist, and why did you choose it?

 

Wendy Posillico: Okay, so since you mentioned Josie, Josie is a fanatic around music, which I am not. So, A Million Dreams, one of the favorite movies that she has is the Hugh Jackman movie that he was in and A Million Dreams is just something that speaks to both of us and like, I guess as me bringing her into this world in a unique way. We kind of like it doesn't matter, you can have your dreams and you can go after it and no matter what people say. And I think I've always been that rebel, that maybe thinks outside the box. And that song is really about the growth in your journey and that having all of the dreams you want, and going after it.

 

Arwen Becker: I love it, yeah.

 

Wendy Posillico: Yeah, I love it.

 

Arwen Becker: I’m going to have to add that one because I got a lot of the other ones from that soundtrack. It's a great soundtrack.

 

Wendy Posillico: I mean, last year, my uncle and my dad's brother, my daughter did like this dance with the hat with Hugh Jackman from The Greatest Showman. And it's just in my heart, that song, and I think it's inspirational. So, I love it.

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah, very much. Well, you were talking about your daughter. And I know that this has been quite a journey for you, and certainly, she's a part of that journey. So, why don't you take us back to before she was born and kind of leading up to everything that happened during that time.

 

Wendy Posillico: So, before she was born, well, I mean, like you said, I'm an athlete, like yourself. I grew up in a big family. I have always been in that seeking mode, but in my heart, always knew I have a big family. So, there was this torn of being an athlete and having this big family that I wanted in my life, but really, I didn't wake up until I was 30. My first 30 years, if I wasn't playing sports, I really was lost. I was really lost in my 20s after college, playing at University of Vermont, I played lacrosse Division I. And like I really didn't– I always had this feeling of not smart enough. What am I going to do? So, I was always waiting for that guy to appear.

 

And in my 20s, I traveled. You name it, I did it, nanny, I worked at a restaurant in Park City. So, I lived in San Francisco Park City doing random jobs because I was trying to find where do I fit in. And then, like 26, I did the route that we're supposed to, and got my master's in education to follow that lead that I started with in undergrad. And I started working in Harlem and teaching emotionally disturbed kids, which is the kids were always a passion of mine, I wanted to be around people. And then, I remember being two years in, and I'm thinking, like waiting for the guy, and like I felt still really lost and really happy but not, if that makes sense.

 

So, I was around 28, 29 on a spring break, I went down a road of, someone thought I had town and the swinging golf club, which I hated the sport. And I went down that road as I was in my 30s to play professional golf. Again, as you can imagine, never playing a sport, I had a lot I put in and doing that, I sacrificed really being around family, creating my own stability because I was putting everything into this sport. So, I played for about seven years, and three LPGA qualifying schools, never made it, you felt like you're banging your head against the wall, but in the back of my head, it was always like, I wonder when that guy is going to show up. I wonder when I'm going to find that guy, so I can have that thing that I always wanted was a family.

 

But 37, didn't appear, I kind of gave it my last shot around that time. And I was like, I don't want to travel anymore. This is not a way of living, even though I gave it all I had, and I kind of stayed in the same realm. I didn't want to go back to teaching in Harlem. I started teaching golf at Country Clubs in New York, and it was great, but still, it was really difficult once I hit 38, for people to even want to have a child that I've met. So, it wasn't like I didn't meet great guys. It was either I was traveling for my sport, or I was older.

 

And wait, let me go back quickly, like the crazy part is that 32, I remember going I'm going to freeze my eggs at 35. And I went to my doctor at 35, and I was still playing golf and I said, “I really want to freeze my eggs.” And she looked at me dead straight in the eye, and said, “Maybe you should think about looking for a guy.” So, there was no nurturing of, like, where I was in my life or even like, I mean, of course, I'm trying to find a guy but I can’t make that happen. I wasn't really trying.

 

Arwen Becker: It’s like, yeah, I know, lady. Thanks a lot.

 

Wendy Posillico: It was crazy. And the crazy thing, when I think back, even though I'm playing the sport that's such a mind sport as golf, I actually listened to her. Like, I didn't do what my instinct said to do, if that makes sense. So, yeah, and time goes by. And I remember at 38 to 40, I was probably joking around, like, I'm going to have a baby on my own, I'm going to have a baby on my own, never taking a step. And hit 40, felt great, I was in the best shape of my life, I had an amazing job at a great country club out in Long Island. And it was two months after I hit 40 that a girlfriend kind of pushed me to take that step to go see a doctor. And again, it's not your dream to go talk to a doctor about having a baby, or like how do you go about this?

 

Arwen Becker: Right. Totally nontraditional, so it's not like you have people talking about it. Oh, yeah, this is how I did it, this is how I did it. You're like, I don't know what this is.

 

Wendy Posillico: And when you actually talk about it, there's a lot of– and maybe now, it's different, because now it's 10 years later, but there was a lot of like, really, especially with me, because I had lived such a bizarre life of living out of my bag.

 

Arwen Becker: The people just didn't think you would– like they didn't take you seriously. Is that what you mean?

 

Wendy Posillico: I don't know, per se what they felt, but I feel like because I didn't have a typical lifestyle. So, I taught golf six months of the year, and then I lived in New York, and then I lived in Arizona six months a year in a house. In New York, I didn't have a home. So, I was living either, at 38, 40, at the dorms where the club gave us, or I was living at my mom's an hour away. So, I lived very abnormally, so in their eyes, like how can you…

 

Arwen Becker: A little nomadic.

 

Wendy Posillico: Yes. What do you mean you're going to have a baby? And I had no idea how I was going to make it happen. I really, in my heart, was always thinking, Oh, I'm going to find someone still, but it wasn't till the end of October where I found myself, it kind of hit me hard as bricks is I found myself at the hospital supporting my brother and his wife, where they had found out their daughter, five-week-old, Whitney, had been diagnosed with kidney cancer, like the most severe you could have. And I didn't have kids. I'm one of six. Everybody else had tons of responsibilities. So, I was in the hospital with them every night, and I would hold baby Whitney. And it was something there that clicked like, what am I waiting for? Why am I waiting?

 

And that was where it really shifted for me. I mean, there were a couple moments where it got like cold feet, but it took me about three months where I was like, nope. And I went to my doctor where I kind of had imagined like, okay, I don't know if you did any dating online.

 

Arwen Becker: No. I’ve been with the same person forever.

 

Wendy Posillico: Right. So, dating online, imagine like, that's pretty much how you have to find your donor. So, it's not like I'm an emotional human. I'm very spiritual. And like, I couldn't wrap my head around. How do you do this? So, I was taking baby steps. And like, I guess it was the end of January, I went to the doctor in New York City, Cornell. His name was Dr.– oh, my gosh, I'm spacing, because there's probably a reason I'm spacing. He was the head of Cornell. And I went in and said, “I'm ready.” And there were like some major things that happened before, I had blocked tubes that they found out, like there are other things, but I was ready to do the IVF that he recommended.

 

And as I sat there with my girlfriend, Mary, next to me, he goes, have you thought about an egg donor? Literally. And I stood there as I was telling him, I’m ready, had my sperm donor ready. I had to ship it from California to New York. Like, it's not an easy process. And here, I hadn't even begun. And I have the top doctor telling me, maybe you should think about an egg donor. So, not only am I using a sperm donor, now I'm supposed to use an egg donor.

 

Arwen Becker: Was it because he didn't think that your eggs were going to be any good?

 

Wendy Posillico: Oh, yeah, I mean, but I haven't even tried yet. Yes.

 

Arwen Becker: Right.

 

Wendy Posillico: But he never told me three months ago, and all of a sudden, I've been told like, and I'm ready to go, and he's like, looking at me, like have you heard? Have you thought of this?

 

Arwen Becker: That broke your heart. Oh, my goodness.

 

Wendy Posillico: Broke my heart, but as he's telling me to take blood work, to do the two weeks of getting my eggs ready. So, it's not like saying, we're not going to do this, but throwing this little doubt out in my head. And I walked out of there. And he's like, Oh, go get the blood work. Then I met with his top RN, and I looked at her, I said, “Why am I doing this, if he doesn't think I can do this, if this can't happen?” And she looked at me, she gave me a little nod of the head, just don't listen to him. And that day, I had an appointment with my acupuncturist. And I walked in, I said, “I don't know, maybe I have to find a new doctor that believes.”

 

Like, in my heart, there was not a doubt, this is what I was supposed to do at this moment. And she said, “You're in a good place. You're doing everything right. Don't let any doubters, even if this doctor get in your way.” And something clicked, and I didn't let anything get in the way, whether it's someone from my family, not that they’d meant it, but anybody with any negativity was not in my premise. So, I was very clear, like, who was giving you the positive thinking and who was not.

 

Arwen Becker: I mean, that's life. You're going to be the 99 yard line at different moments in life, and then have that voice, whether it's your own voice in your head or somebody else start to make you question and be that resistance to you, but thank God for what– you said it was a nurse, that was the one?

 

Wendy Posillico: It was the nurse and the acupuncture–

 

Arwen Becker: Great advice.

 

Wendy Posillico: Yeah, she just said, you go for it, both of those girls. And I have to say, I'm not big, like women med, but like when you're a woman going through something like this, and you have such a desire for a baby, and listen, Cornell is not a small hospital to do IVF, you're literally sitting in a room. I mean, if I could paint it, it's a large room, and people are just– we had to go every other day to get blood work, every other day to check our follicles, plus giving our shots to ourselves every day in our stomach.

 

Everybody had a story there. And I'm thinking, there's so much emotion doing this, and you don't even know what you're doing when you're first doing it. And there's not this, like talk about– there's no nurturing or an environment that embraces that, the fear, the unknown. And I think that's the biggest thing I learned by doing this is like how much– it doesn't matter IVF or whatever, but how much when you really got to find environment that nurtures, supports what you're desiring, whether it's IVF, building a business, going through a divorce, I don't care what you're doing. That's the biggest thing I learned through IVF is like, finding those people around me that believed in me and allowed for that. So, I mean, I don't know if I'm painting a good enough picture.

 

Arwen Becker: No, no, I mean, I just have to reiterate that, I think that is so important for any of you who are out there that are listening to this, that you're not necessarily facing IVF, but the importance of what Wendy is talking about is that you are surrounding yourself with people who are going to help push you into your next phase of life, that next season, that piece that you cannot see. And you had two people who were willing to sew into you and believe for something they could not see, something you could not see, but yet, so desperately, you could feel it with every fiber in your body. And you do it in your early 30s. And yet, you had people telling you at 35, making you question what you inherently knew about that intuition. And I know that that's something that you really help to try and uncover with your own clients because it's really hard to do something that you have never done before and especially, when you don't have other people around you doing it.

 

Wendy Posillico: Yeah, I think exactly what you're saying. I mean, that's my passion right now, and probably for my whole life, but I didn't have the words for it. It’s like really honoring that person's essence, that person's knowing, even when it makes no sense. And I think I've gone through it from golf, like I went through it in golf, I went through IVF. I'm going through it with my business, because everybody has a vision of what they think you should do, but your inside is telling you, no, but do you have the courage to take that step?

 

Arwen Becker: Right. I mean, that's the hard thing about intuition because you can't typically explain why. It's a knowing, you just have this knowing, but then you have a lot of people start to question it, and you start to question, you do this internal questioning inside yourself, wondering whether or not that knowing that you have is in fact correct or not. You don't know until you walk it out.

 

Wendy Posillico: Yeah, I think space is huge in creating, and I think because I didn't really know who to trust during IVF, I had so much space by myself, I had so much space to like, really dig into, is this right for me? And even when I did golf, and I was a novice, when it comes to the mindset, during golf, you're alone a lot. When you're doing a baby by yourself, and you're doing the shots, you're by yourself. Not a great story, but like my second time trying to have my second baby, the doctor looked at me because I was like, what's next? But she's like, your chances are, but she was positive, but I said, What's next? Like, I only have three follicles, should we do this? She goes, you're funny. I go, why? She goes, you’re so strong. And I go, well, what's my choice? And she said, “Not everybody's like that, they're very emotional.” And I said, “I don't have someone holding my hand. I don't have a guy. It's just me.”

 

And whether you're out there listening, whatever is inside of you that you know you're supposed to move towards, even if you don't have the answer, even if you took a step, you can at least eliminate that, oh, I took this step, and maybe that doesn't work. Okay, that's not working. Let's try something else, but most people get frozen, including me for how many years that I just told you, like, I want a family. And I was waiting for that guy, or I was waiting for like, the doctor to tell me that I could freeze my eggs at 35. I know, we know what the answers are, we just have to take the steps to get them.

 

Arwen Becker: Right. And be willing to hit up against the resistance.

I mean, I always said, in my book, A Man is not a Financial Plan. We could just shorten it, A Man is Not a Plan. And it's true, I mean, I've made a lot of mistakes on the other side of it, of waiting for the man, first one, I divorced at 24 to make choices for me, because I didn't trust myself enough to make wise decisions. I felt that somebody else needed to say grace on it, then it was acceptable until I realized, I'd gotten old enough to go, I am perfectly capable of making decisions, even if they don't necessarily make the person standing next to me, that they don't understand it. And that's okay.

 

Wendy Posillico: Yeah. And sometimes your path isn't what we envision it, it actually can be even better, but we have to take the steps. I thought I was going to be an athlete. Like, I put everything in, I fail, but did I fail? I don't really consider it failure. Like, I learned so much about myself by doing that, that it brought me all the other steps. So, I always say to my clients, like, these moments, you don't get it right now, but you will look back and be like, oh, that makes sense why I did this and this and this and this and this. It's like a zigzag. Sometimes, there's no rhyme or reason until you look back. And a lot of it is faith, I mean, it's faith in yourself. We are all born unique, and that is my biggest message of the people I work with, or in the world, like we are born unique. If we don't live into our uniqueness and our gifts, we're leaving that untapped in this world, and everybody needs to give each other's gifts. You've got to live your own, not someone else's.

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so take us back, you started IVF. And you said, you're 40 when you initially started?

 

Wendy Posillico: So, I was 40.

 

Arwen Becker: 40. And so, what was the process like? And when did that amazing girl come on the scene?

 

Wendy Posillico: So, the process, if anyone's done IVF that's listening, it's confusing. First time around, it's very confusing. Like, they don't tell you, they're kind of just taking your blood, they're reading things. So, you're doing a lot of a little bit of research, you're trying to figure out what FSH is. And so, the process is basically, one, you got to get your sperm donor. If you already have a husband, you have your husband, but then, the next process is, okay, you've got to track your cycle, then you have to pick right before the third time, right after your cycle, you start getting ready to harvest your eggs. And these times, you can get, from what I understand, 10 or more is great, eggs at one time. I got six, and you don't even know if they're all healthy.

 

And the end of when we had the embryos put in, which you were awaiting, basically, you're doing a two-week of medicine, getting prod every day in the stomach. I had to take three different medicines that are very costly. And you have to have them in the fridge, like everything's timing. It's really a huge dedication. Anybody doing it, like I honor you because it's emotional, everything, it's planning, anyway. So, it’s two weeks before you get your eggs, then you get your embryos. So, two weeks, every other day meeting, going into the hospital to get your blood work and checking your molecules.

 

And then, there's not a perfect science. So, you have to figure out when your follicles are ready to drop, then you go in, there's an operation where they take out your eggs. And every time I went in towards the end, where they take your eggs out, then you have a waiting time and it depends, but mine was five days. Then, they call you and you're waiting, did the embryos take? I've got two embryos out of four eggs. So, then the next decision, I didn't really have a big decision, I was putting both in, but sometimes, people have, like how many embryos you're going to put in? I don't know.

 

So, I go in, you get to put those embryos in. And I remember, when I woke up, I had a picture of my dad and the embryos on my belly. Now, my dad's past 17 years now. And when I was doing this in March, I knew the possibility of Josie being born around Christmas time was evident. So, yes, I mean, like I meditate probably daily with the embryo pictures of my belly and my father, and I kept talking to that embryo, if that makes sense. I just really, I was not going to let any thoughts of doubt come in my mind. Whether it happened or not, I was staying positive.

 

And then, I got that call, and you waited four weeks, and actually, both embryos took. I did the only one thing to do with my sister and mom and a couple of friends. And then, I waited to tell my brothers and their wives until I was eight weeks. So, I had twins. And at eight weeks, I told my family this is what's happening, and I was very quiet outside my work, everything. And then, I lost one at nine weeks. So, that was like a big awareness that I don't have control. I'm just going to honor and stay true to me and not go telling everybody anything.

 

Pretty much, everybody was supportive. I was a little nervous to tell the golf club I worked at, for some reason, I don't know why. They were receptive. During my pregnancy, I had one not so kind person, a member.

 

Arwen Becker: Yes.

 

Wendy Posillico: So, you want to know?

 

Arwen Becker: Yes, I do want to know. These are the things, individuals you don't say to people.

 

Wendy Posillico: No, I mean, because you know it, like, I want to share the story. I mean, this is real, like, I would say pretty much, I'll give you two stories. When I told my dad's brother, and he goes, what? Wendy’s pregnant? Did I miss her wedding?

 

Arwen Becker: You gotta love that.

 

Wendy Posillico: That was a good story. And then, this other guy I was teaching lesson, pregnant, probably in July. So, Josie was due Christmas Eve, 2012. And I'm probably mid-July, so I'm starting to pop. And this gentleman knew, he knew definitely that I was pregnant and had crossed the way. It's just me and my client, him and another guy. And he goes to his buddy, hey, do you know who knocked up Wendy? Yeah. And he said two times that day in two different incidents.

 

Arwen Becker: Oh, my goodness.

 

Wendy Posillico: I was like, I can handle a point. And then I had to stand up and be like, he said, in front of the entire staff. So, I think and I always have compassion, this is what I will say, “People don't really mean what they mean, sometimes.” And I think how we respond is so important. It helps me stay in the frame of how I wanted to be as a woman being pregnant without a father that I knew of. And I handled it. So, I really gained strength to stay in for myself that I normally hadn't before. And I let him know, like, he was like, “I apologize.” I said, “Well, I would have let you know that that was so inappropriate.”

 

And some people just don't know what to say in a circumstance that's a little different than what they've been around. And I really have compassion for people that sometimes spit something out they don't mean.

 

Arwen Becker: So, yeah, the wrong thing comes out, yeah.

 

Wendy Posillico: I draw my boundaries, but like, I'm not going to let that guy hurt me.

 

Arwen Becker: Right.

 

Wendy Posillico: Or some words hurt me. And I think that's one thing I do work a lot with my clients, because sometimes people's words or actions, they take in so personally. And we have no control, we only have control over us, and how we respond to it.

 

Arwen Becker: What do you think– because I've had friends who've gone through IVF, and I've had friends that almost refused to talk about it, even to friends that are struggling at getting pregnant, but really want to, why do you think that is?

 

Wendy Posillico: I don't come from that. I've been very open about it. And I think there's a lot of like, what are you going to say to your kid? What are you going to say– so I have a lot of nieces and nephews, and my daughter's one of 18. So, I had a lot of, like my brother's wife saying, “What do I tell my kids?” Like, you're not married, you don't have a husband. How do I explain that you're pregnant? How do I explain where her daddy is? And to me, like, I'm just honest, like, I really tell Josie, she doesn't know the whole story, but if she asks, I'm going to tell her.

 

So, I think there's a lot of internal work for people that are a little nervous to share because you could help so many people, like I want to help. I'm so fortunate that I was able to have Josie because I barely had eggs. If anybody has an inkling to talk about having a baby on their own, even early 30s, I'm all ears, I want to help them because as women, we’re meant, like I've changed as a woman because I became a mom, I've changed as a coach. It teaches you so much about selflessness, about how to be the best you can for another human, and how you sacrifice to even have the child, even if it's not IVF. I mean, I have a different outlook to moms.

 

I remember the first Mother's Day, I was like, What? Like, this is what my mom did to have six kids. I only have one. I mean, I could cry, but anybody who's like, I don't know the answer of why people stay quiet, but I believe, again, we share with our stories, and our stories really can help other humans make better choices for themselves and feel like they're not alone in the struggle. And if anybody's listening and wants to reach out to me, like, I'm open because it's changed my life having this individual.

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah. Do you think that, if you were in your early 30s, and you would have somebody like you who had already been there and been through it come alongside you or kind of just happen to get to know, do you think that this would have happened sooner for you personally, if you would have just had that person who maybe you could relate to a little bit more? Or just even hearing a little bit more about it? Or were you doing a lot of research at that time of a lot of other people's stories of going through it?

 

Wendy Posillico: No, I ignored. Like, for a long time, I just didn't even take a step, I didn't research, I didn't even think to me even go that way, even though I joked around, like I didn't do enough research, but I will say, would I have done it early on if I met someone? Possibly, but I wasn't mature enough to me, personally, and this is why…

 

Arwen Becker: God has good timing.

 

Wendy Posillico: And this is why– yes, exactly, he does know. This is why I love my work because I know I just woke up at 30, as an individual starting to learn about myself. When you take the space to do work on yourself, it changes like it's not just yourself, it changes like how you operate with individuals, your relationships, your work, your purpose in life. It just moves the needle in a different way that like a book can't help. I'm not saying your book, but I mean, we can read all we want, but the personal work has to happen. We're not taught that when we're young. I mean, a lot of people are struggling right now, not just because of COVID. COVID is waking up what already existed.

 

And I would say, I probably wasn't ready, but I want to help people that are. I hope that makes sense, like I want to nurture people that help them have the mindset that they can do it. If I met someone maybe like that, yes, but…

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah, I'm glad that you're sharing a little bit of yourself with somebody else who is right in the fight or a little further back in the battle. You know what I'm saying? That’s why we tell stories.

 

Wendy Posillico: Yeah. And I will say this, like I did, I was just pregnant. And I was at some jewelry party. And again, I could have been quiet because I was nervous to say I was pregnant, but I said to one of the girls who was a distant friend, who I went to grade school with, I said, “Yeah, I'm pregnant, but I'm being very quiet.” And she was like, do you know, eight years with her husband, it took them eight years to have their first kid. And she had her last file of eggs. I mean, she went to four different doctors, and then she had two through IVF and two natural.

 

Arwen Becker: Wow.

 

Wendy Posillico: Again, God has a plan. And telling that, gave me encouragement. She was always texting me. She went to see Josie when she was born. So, like there is something about letting people in. If you have the courage, it really can change the way things. You have support around you during this hard time. Whether you're married or not.

 

Arwen Becker: Right. Not feeling alone. So, tell us a little bit about this wonderful, young lady in your life.

 

Wendy Posillico: Josie. So, she is four.

 

Arwen Becker: She was born when? December?

 

Wendy Posillico: The funny thing is I asked my sister, “Will you do hypnobirthing with me?” So, there we were with eight couples hypnobirthing, eight weeks. There, my sister comes into the labor room. She was due Christmas Eve. I started getting contractions the next morning, Christmas Day, and my doctor was like most doctors, don't call me until you're five minutes apart the contractions. I guess my water broke a little bit. She's like, get your honey in here. So, basically, I got in there. She was born at 7:07. It was like my water broke, and I was determined to have it natural. I was so determined.

 

They had to do Pitocin, but my doctor was amazing. She definitely managed the whole thing because I don't even know how I had it natural, doing Pitocin, but four hours of labor, Josie came out. My mom is in the labor room as well, six kids, I don't think she's ever sat in anybody's labor room, except her own. And she's sitting, doing the crossword puzzle. It was hysterical. Like, anyway, so Josie is born Christmas day, a day after my dad was buried, and she's named after my dad. So, Josephine June, my dad was Joseph Junior. So, we used to call him June. And this is how Live Your June came up about.

 

Arwen Becker: Your company, yeah.

 

Wendy Posillico: It really is about leaving your imprint in the world. And if I don't do my job or your job or whoever's listening, if you don't do your job to leave your imprint from your essence, your uniqueness, and take in those people from past generations that you've learned from, and leave it for future generations, we are doing disservice, like my goal is to get everybody to be so in line with who they are meant to be, to live their June. And I do that with Josie, like I have to be my best, so she can thrive and be her best. If I don't do that, I'm doing her disservice. That's how I look at it. So, why don't you tell us, throughout this whole experience that you went through, what were the three key things that you took away from this?

 

Wendy Posillico: My biggest thing is there's an inner voice. I always feel like sometimes, you've got to listen to your inner voice, you've got to pay attention, create space to listen to that, knowing that it doesn't make sense, but it's telling you to do something. When we go against that, usually we don't feel we've got a little friction to me when you're in flow, it's because you're so in tune with that voice. So, listen to the voice. One is take action when you have no answers. We always want the playbook first, but sometimes we have a feeling, oh, what does that look like? Because most times, I didn't know what it looked like, how I was going to take care of kid by myself, not having a house or like I was living with my mom. Like, I didn't know what it looked like, but it worked out, I figured it out. And then, the third one, did you ask for three? Sorry.

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah, if you got a third, yeah, please.

 

Wendy Posillico: And again, it talks about what we were just talking about, you have to find those people that believe in you and support you, that environment that empowers you. I mean, I was just saying, with a mastermind group, I'm in a small group of people that just want to change the world. And when I'm around them, I move. When I'm around, Arwen, because I don't have that every day, when I'm around you, I get inspired to want to do more and not be afraid and to take that step. And so, I would say those are my three.

 

Arwen Becker: So good. I just love it. And I want to ask you about listening to that voice, for you, and you talk about creating space to be able to hear it, what does that practically look like for you? I mean, how do you create that space? And how do you hear it for you, personally?

 

Wendy Posillico: So, for me, it's the space. It's gaining awareness, when you feel at your best, like so, with my clients, I talk about their ethos, like that's my main start to how I coach them. And it's really getting clear on when they're shining, think of when you were young. Like I watched Josie, I mean, when I watched my daughter operate when she's singing, and then when she's playing sport, I'm like, what? It's not her thing, even though she can do it somewhat, it's not her thing. As an adult, we kind of moved away from that, sometimes people move away from that, and they feel so disconnected, and you can't pin it. To me, it's like going back to the times where you felt so powerful, where you felt so alive.

 

And you might have to go back to your childhood, you might have to go to a certain thing you did in your 20s, but we really get down into the values and the characteristics, and then create a philosophy that's like 25 words or less, where you really nail it, like mine is disrupt my norm, and instigate my soul, so I can live my truest self, so I can empower others. That's mine, but when you know your philosophy, yoga, it's so easy to align to it, because you're just like that, that's not it. And so, when you have that's how I do it, like create space, so you do the hard work to go, who am I?

 

Arwen Becker: I mean, you say the philosophy, but having that clearly written.

 

Wendy Posillico: This took me– do you know how long it took me? I mean, it's taking me a long time, but really focus, for at least three years that I'm like, Ah, that's it.

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah, but you have to start moving towards it, and then it gets refined, and you keep polishing the edges until you go, this is what I know, I'm called to do at this moment in my life, this is what I know that I'm called to do. And then, those things that come to you along the way, you can determine that it does not fit in with the vision or the philosophy of the way I'm living my life right now. So, that is a no. And then I continue moving forward. And then those things do come to you that fit in line with it, and those are the things that you accept. So, that also allows for more space because you're not throwing a bunch of crap into your life that isn’t moving you towards your destiny, whatever that is. And it's different for everybody.

 

Wendy Posillico: Yeah, and we're constantly evolving. So, you constantly have to check in.

 

Arwen Becker: Right.

 

Wendy Posillico: It's not like yesterday, if you saw me, you'd be like, who? Like I had my moments, too, like we all have them. It's just can you get out of it quicker and not stay in it?

 

Arwen Becker: Yep. No, that's so good. Oh, so good. So, alright, rapid fire final three questions. Alright? Are you ready for these? Here we go. So, what is the best piece of financial wisdom that you've been given?

 

Wendy Posillico: Oh, God. So, just so you know, it's not my favorite. I literally get knots in my stomach about finance, business. It goes back to the same thing that I'm talking about in general, surrounding yourself around people that really look at you. Finance, to me, the people that I– this is why I love Arwen, she doesn't fit the mold of the finance world.

 

Arwen Becker: Nope.

 

Wendy Posillico: She is her own unique being. And like, I wouldn't even consider her, she's in the finance world because she just has this warmth, and she's powerful. And when the people I have been in, after my dad died, and I didn't have a guy helping me and then I left it to my dad, and then my dad dies, I gotta figure this out. So, to me, don't just go to any finance person, find the one that resonates with you and hears you and sits with you and understands, that's my biggest thing. And there are out there, obviously, we have Arwen. And I'm not pitching.

 

Arwen Becker: And I have advisors that are that way, too, yes.

 

Wendy Posillico: But it's important, this is your life, and the finances is a huge part of feeling comfortable and free.

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah, I have to say, Wendy, of the past 33 shows that I've done, nobody has given that advice. And yet, that is the entire platform of my keynote, and my public speaking is that first of all, women are not a niche. They're talked about being a niche, but they're the greatest segment of the US population, they hold more money than men do, but the part in which you alluded to the fact that you said when I talk about finances, I get this knot in my stomach. The analogy that I use, because I've seen it over and over and over again, with women, and you would certainly fall into that category is talking about finances is like going into a brand-new gynecologist. And a lot of financial advisors walk straight into the room, and they say, “I'd like you to undress.” And she's like, wait, wait, wait, I'm not ready for this yet.

 

And for any woman on the planet who's ever had to go to a gynecologist and go in for an annual exam knows how intimidating, scary. There might be feelings of shame, certainly fear, and all that kind of stuff, but a lot of advisors do exactly what you said. They walk straight in there, and they ask a woman to financially undress. And she's afraid, she doesn't feel like she's done the right thing, she doesn't know what somebody is going to say in reference to what they see. And so, it has a lot of that same component of fear associated with it.

 

And I think about my own gynecologist, she's just such a warm, like, the nicest, before COVID, I had to see her since then, but before COVID, she would always come in and she would grab my hand, and her hands were always warm. And she would look at me straight in the eye, and she'd go, and how were you doing? And it was just like, all she needed to give me was two, three minutes, where we didn't have to talk about the things that scared me, just to say how were the kids? Is there anything going on that we should know about? And seeing me as a human and helping me be comfortable. So, I wanted to piggyback off of that, because you are the norm, not the exception, and that's why my industry needs to change, they need to talk to women from the heart, then get to the head space. We have to go into the details, we have to get there eventually, but remembering that finances are a very hard topic to talk about, and they make a lot of us very uncomfortable. So, I just had to piggyback on that.

 

Wendy Posillico: And I will, and I have to add to this.  Starting a company, I never thought I would ever start a company. I didn't think I was smart enough or capable. And when I started this, I could see it in their face that they don't believe me. I actually was told, I don't know if it was my accountant or financial, but it's a hobby. So, those are things, if you're listening and you have an accountant that doesn't see you and doesn't honor your journey, then that's not the right person.

 

Arwen Becker: Move on.

 

Wendy Posillico: Yes. So, I just want to say that.

 

Arwen Becker: There's plenty out there. You just got to do the work. Yeah, find them. Good. Thank you for doing– oh, that's so, so invaluable. It's so important. So, the next piece is favorite book, and why?

 

Wendy Posillico: Okay, so I gave you one, but I'm going to– Dare to Lead is a big one with Brené Brown I love, because it really is about stripping almost what you're just talking about, like really stripping down and being real, and sharing the things that are hard to share. That's when people want to be led by people like that. And as I build my company, I've just hired two girls, the last month and a half, I want to empower them. Leadership, to me, we all are leaders, a mom, business coach, whatever, we have a job to be real. And I think that she does a great way in that book, Dare to Lead, to show that vulnerability is huge.

 

Arwen Becker: Yep, certainly. And then, finally, a favorite quote.

 

Wendy Posillico: So, because I'm all about leaving your mark, every day in every way we are leaving our mark by Rachael Bermingham.

 

Arwen Becker: And say it again. Say the quote again.

 

Wendy Posillico: So every day in every way we are leaving our mark. And I just believe like that, I watch you. Arwen is like interviewing my high school friend in New York. So, we are leaving our mark, and we have to walk towards that. And you might not know what it is, that's okay.

 

Arwen Becker: It's right. That's okay. That's good. So, how can our listeners get a hold of you? Tell us all the good details about you, your website, your coaching, everything good.

 

Wendy Posillico: So, I'm in the midst of moving into Live Your June because the website's not out, but you will find it LiveYourJune.com. Right now, you can find it under my name, my website. Currently, it's under my coaching, WendyPosillico.com.

 

Arwen Becker: And spell your last name to make sure we get that right.

 

Wendy Posillico: P-O-S-I-L-L-I-C-O, so it's WendyPosillico.com. You can email me, it's very easy, either at WP@WendyPosillico.com or Wendy@LiveYourJune.com.  I’m on Instagram under my name. Live your June, again, is coming out in the next month. Really, if I can help anyone walk into what we're talking about, whether it's finance, imprint, mindset, because all of it is, to me, a mindset of like setting the stage for what allows you to live into, I call it, your June. We all have our own unique way. So, yeah.

 

Arwen Becker: And you are a testament because I've seen it. You and I have known each other now for about three years, and just looking at the difference for you, looking at how far you've come just in that time period of that three years. Anybody out there that wants to have a woman who can help them really move into their destiny, that is what you do, because you've done it, you're continuing to do it daily in your own life, the amount in which you've grown in the last three years is remarkable. And yet, it's just a small part of your whole life. So, you are a perfect person to learn from and to lead other people because you lead yourself first, and you lead yourself well, and then you're helping to do that in other people. So, anybody out there, you will be blessed to take her up on that offer.

 

Wendy Posillico: Thank you, and right back at you.

 

Arwen Becker: Thank you.

 

Wendy Posillico: I think somehow, we find each other, like we nurture each other. And yeah, I think you do the work as well, Arwen, and to be on this podcast and watch you in the last year just threw out a book, hey, your podcast because all day I know you do already, and four kids. It's just an honor to be on your podcast.

 

Arwen Becker: Well, I only got three, unless I have a fourth one somewhere I don't know about.

 

Wendy Posillico: Did I say four?

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah, that’s alright.

 

Wendy Posillico: It’s my world that I get confused.

 

Arwen Becker: Yeah. Here we go. Yeah, well, thank you so much for being on the show, my dear. You're just such a blessing. And I hope to see you very, very soon.

 

Wendy Posillico: Alright, thanks so much. Bye.

[END]

 

 

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